Sarah in the City

"You were so cute!"

2012-02-01T12:19:00.000-05:00

One day in the future, I'm going to say to Hila, "You were so cute when you were little!" and she's going to say, "How? What did I do?" And I, with my horrendous memory, will say, "Ummm...I can't remember." So, let's jot down a few notes that I'll be able to refer to in 5, 10, 30 years. (This blog is eternal, right?)

Cinderella used to be your favorite movie, and you had two favorite parts (or "fravorite" as you'd say): First, when Cinderella cleaned the floors and sang Sing Sweet Nightingale, and second, when the mean sisters ripped Cinderella's dress. You would get down on your hands and knees and clean the floor with a wipe and sing Sing Sweet Nightingale, and insist that we do the same. You'd also out of the blue, just blurt out sometimes, "Cinderella's sisters are SO mean! The ripped Cinderella's dress!"
And speaking of random thoughts that you'd share, you'd be playing quietly or we'd be talking about something else, and you'd just say, "My hair is curly!" or "Kelev is dog!" About these outbursts -- to me, they were completely random, but not for you; these were things that you spent lots of time thinking about.
After pooping you'd call us into the bathroom. After being wiped, you'd straighten up, and with a big smile and cheerful voice, you'd say, "Thank you so much!" You're so welcome!
You loved Meira from the very first day that we brought her home from the hospital. I started calling her "Meiri" pretty early on, and you'd always correct me "No, not Meiri, Meira Aviv Pritzker!" For months that's how you referred to her, by her full name only.
Hila: "We don't watch TV on shabbat, right?" Parent: "Right." Hila: "Is today shabbat?" Parent: "No...." Hila: "So I can watch TV!"
You used to get a piece of chocolate every morning before you left the house for gan. (It was the only way we could get you to get dressed.) Then your dad went to America for a week and I was in charge of getting you out of the house. That morning snack quickly became replaced with something else. We called it breakfast. Cereal in a baggie to eat during our walk to gan.

I'm sure I'll add to this. Adorable things happen everyday. I just can't think of them now.

My Lean Green Eating Machine

2011-12-25T06:08:00.000-05:00

Hila was never an easy eater. Nursing was impossible, early feeding with a spoon nonexistent, and even now as a toddler, she goes through phases where she just isn't interested in eating anything at all. (She also goes through phases where she'll eat anything in sight -- I like that.)

Meira is an entirely different story. Breastfeeding -- while we had a rocky start, she ended up being a super enthusiastic nurser. Early feeding with a spoon -- CHECK. Early self-feeding of finger foods -- CHECK.

But here's a problem I never experienced with Hila: Meira is ALWAYS hungry. ALWAYS. 10 minutes after she nurses, she's whiny for food. 10 minutes after she consumes a feast of food, she's whiny for more milk. If she had it her way (which sometimes she gets), she'd go from breast to food to breast to food all day long. It's...ummm...how do I say this without making you think that I'm not super appreciative of her enthusiasm...okay, I'll just say it: It's annoying. Really annoying.

Thank you Meira for being such a good eater, but give mommy a break, k?

(P.S. Ever seen Meira? She's tall and skinny. And here's her diet secret -- Yes, YOU too can eat all day long and still stay slim. All you need to do is exercise -- army crawl around the floor, climb up on furniture, and stand and start pushing furniture around the room. Smart kid!)

Meira: An Update

2011-12-06T13:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't said anything about Meira lately, so let me summarize the last few months quickly:

Eating -- I am still breastfeeding -- an activity that has become natural and easy and enjoyable (yes, it's about time). Meira eats 2 solid meals a day, usually lunch and dinner -- about 1/4-1/2 cup of something, anything. Unlike Hila who I couldn't PAY to open her mouth for mushed up food, Meira is enthusiastic, eager, and not too messy. I enjoy making and storing baby food. My freezer is filled with ice cube trays of food. Yes, I'm that mom (suprisingly).

Sleeping (at night) -- She goes to bed at 7PM on the dot, every night, and wakes up at around 6:30-7AM every morning. In those 12 hours she usually wakes up twice to nurse. No, she won't take a bottle. (Though kudos (and thank you) to Menachem for trying and trying and trying, and having some success occasionally.) Occasionally she wakes up around 10PM, but we let her sort that one out herself. She's usually back asleep within 5 minutes.

Sleeping (during the day) -- She usually takes 2 naps, each about 1-2 hours. If one is less than that, then I give her a 3rd nap, which she sometimes takes. I do not nurse her to sleep anymore, but she does sometimes go down and then cry. Again, that doesn't usually last more than 5-10 minutes. We're okay with that, for now.

Physical development -- In the tradition of other Gold-Pritzker babies (i.e. Hila), Meira is super strong. Both girls came out of the womb with their heads up, neck straight, and looking around the room. At 5 months Meira started "scooting," which she still does, quite fast, around the room and under tables. Today I saw her pull herself up to her knees! And if you put her in the standing (holding on to something, like the crib rail) or sitting position, she can stay that way for a while.

General disposition -- She is the sweetest little girl in the world. She gets upset (like if she's hungry or tired), but she's easily distractable and consolable. She does still have "cranky time" -- those "witching hours" between 5-7PM, which is not the best timing since that's when Hila is home, playing and eating and getting ready for bed herself. During that time she needs lots of attention, especially in the form of breastmilk and cuddles, but sometimes a song and dance from her doting big sister will do the trick as well.

Sounds like a keeper to me!

So far so good....

2011-12-06T13:21:00.000-05:00

Menachem is in miluim...it's just for a few days, but even the thought of taking care of these two kids stresses me out, so I wasn't looking forward to it.

But...so far so good!

First, I got Hila out of the house this morning without chocolate. Maybe your child can easily make it til 9AM without chocolate, but mine can't...at least not anytime in the last month or so, until today. I hadn't even thought about it at the time. It's just that things were going so smoothly, that I didn't need to bribe her at all!

Next, Hila is on a cleaning kick. Now, usually a messy house stresses me out, but around 6:30PM, Hila said, "It's clean up time," and cleaned the entire living room. There is not a single toy on the floor.

Then, unlike last night when Hila peed at 7 and then I made her pee again before bed at 8 and she couldn't and we fought for a bit (until she finally did), tonight, she peed at like 5:30, then drank a cup of chocolate milk, and then easily peed again before bed. No fights.

She brushed her teeth nicely, and in exchange, got her nightly band-aid on her invisible boo-boo. Then she wanted pasta. I didn't make her re-brush her teeth.

Hila and Meira, as usual, played so nicely together. I nursed Meira and Hila cuddled up next to us singing songs (she did that last night too, and I would love for that to become a regular thing). I put Meira to bed and she didn't cry -- just rolled over and fell asleep.

Hila asked to read in bed, and then called me in to take the books away when she was ready to sleep. She's not asleep yet, so I'm still expecting her to call me in a few more times, but that's okay.

Meanwhile, my ears/throat still hurt at night (after 2.5 weeks! -- Doc says it's a virus -- BLAH), so that's no fun, but otherwise, things are going well here.

Am I the only other army wife here who can't wait til she and her husband are 40? (I assume 40 will come before having 6 kids or becoming rich -- the other 2 exemptions from miluim.) Then again, Menachem begged the army to let him do miluim, I'm sure some technical exemption will do nothing to deter him. My husband, the Zionist hero. (Grumble.) (No, really, I am proud of him.) (Grumble.) (Really.)

He comes home tomorrow. Yes, all this was about a 3 day miluim.

Packing!

2011-10-25T14:05:00.000-04:00

Had a wonderful break from packing today, visiting Liat and Avigail up north at Hamat Gader, right outside their kibbutz. Hila still talks about our former neighbors on a daily basis and it was fun for 3 generations of Gold/Pritzkers and Meck/Smolans to hang out.

But here's why I'm writing...

Our house is a disaster -- boxes and newspaper and tape and STUFF all over. Hila has been at Grandma and Grandpa's for the last 3 days and only entered the disaster zone today. She walked into the kitchen and said, "What a terrible mess!" And I said, "We're packing!" And she said, "Oh, I want to pack too," and started throwing newspaper onto the floor. When she was done, she said, "Okay, I'm done packing," and walked out.

Oh, Hila, if only it were so easy!

Some of My Thoughts Lately

2011-10-11T03:53:00.000-04:00

I really like Costco. Why don't they make large stuff in Israel? I particularly like my new Costco contact lens solution. It was super cheap and has the type of cap that you sort of flip up, not that you have to unscrew and completely remove. I really prefer that. Why is contact lens solution so expensive in Israel? Why are contact lenses so expensive in Israel? Why is everything so expensive in Israel?
Things that are cheaper in Israel than in America -- healthcare, education, avocados (when they're in season), laser hair removal.
I love my new electric toothbrush. I look forward to brushing my teeth and it just feels so good on my gums. My teeth have never felt cleaner!
People think I'm a laid back person, but what they don't know is that a lot of stress, anxiety, and hard work go into looking like a laid back person. That is who I really am -- a stressed out person trying so hard to be laid back.
I think toilets flush better in Israel than in America.
If breastmilk is so perfect, then why do I need to give my baby Vitamin D and iron supplements? (I don't -- I keep forgetting. I also keep forgetting to take my own multivitamin. Oops.)
I think that I enjoy pedicures more than other people.
I think my life would be a lot easier if I had a large American washing machine. Or, better yet, a washer and dryer in one -- put your laundry in, push some buttons, and then come back in an hour (or longer -- that doesn't matter) to clean, dry clothes.

My Thoughts on Weight Watchers So Far

2011-10-10T17:23:00.000-04:00

I've been on Weight Watchers for a few days, and I think I'm going to quit. It's not because I've lost faith in dieting or because I don't think the WW method works, but rather, for these four reasons:

I cannot get the Android app to work on my phone. I have a feeling it's because I live in Israel. I hate when companies persecute me because of my IP address. Meanwhile, I contacted customer service and they haven't gotten back to me yet.
On day 2 of being on WW, I spent over an hour trying to locate the "Points Tracker." It just wasn't where it had been the last time. I simply could not find it, and so could not input my points for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I contacted customer service and they never got back to me.
Today, day 3 of WW, the site again works the way I remember it, but it keeps freezing my computer, so again I can't input my points. I'm not even going to bother contacting customer service.
As a nursing mother, I was awarded like 15 extra points. That's a lot. And I feel like if I eat all those points (which I haven't done on any of these days), then I will definitely not lose weight. So I know you're supposed to eat all your points, but I just don't want to.

I have lost weight these last few days -- I can tell already and I feel great about it. But by NOT following the rules here, I've sorta motivated myself to do lose weight my own way. I know how to lose weight; I've done it before. I just needed a little push.

Weight Watchers online isn't just a money-suck, but a time-suck. I have spent an embarassingly long time online -- not browsing for resipes or reading health advice, but trying to input my stupid points. I don't have that sort of time.

Here's what I've learned most of all -- I should eat more fruits and vegetables. Okay. I can do that.

We're exclusive.

2011-07-07T06:51:00.000-04:00

It's been an emotional rollercoaster. All the starting and stopping and supplementing and exclusive formula-feeding and exclusive pumping and losing milk and then rebuilding my supply...again and again and again...but we've finally made it -- I am exclusively breastfeeding Meira.

Yes, in last post I said I was happy pumping, but I knew that wouldn't last. I started feeling a bit like a prisoner to the pump. I couldn't go out for more than a few hours, I was obsessed with the how today's yield compared to yesterday's, and sometiems Meira would be crying while I was pumping and I couldn't get to her and that made me feel downright silly. Also -- all those bottles...too many dishes.

I spoke and then met with an amazing lactation consultant (actually two -- Fran and Alexis), who both helped me realize that a) I have plenty of milk (and I better, after all that hard work), b) Meira has a good latch, and c) I can do this. They also helped me work on d) relaxing. So I slowly exchanged pumping sessions for nursing sessions.

It was hard. At 6.5 weeks into the whole ordeal (because that's what it was), I felt like I was at square one -- with a baby just getting the hang of nursing, falling asleep all the time, wanting to nurse all day, etc.

And we're still working on it. We're certainly not at the every 3-4 hour mark. And because I switched from formula to nursing at night, we've both been getting a little less sleep (though the nights are still pretty good).

I'm not gonna lie -- breastfeeding is hard. But I am starting to get glimpses of what people mean when they say that it's easier than bottles, and more enjoyable.

So here I am, patting myself on the back for a job well done. And here's to Meira -- a very patient little baby!

My name is Sarah, and I'm a pumpaholic.

2011-06-22T08:54:00.000-04:00

I've become obsessed with pumping and milk production. I don't even care as much about the benefits of breast milk for babies as I do about stocking my fridge and freezer with milk. I have about 50 oz. of expressed milk stored away for a rainy day. Meira is exclusively breast fed (or bottle fed breast milk) during the day and gets 2-3 bottles of formula at night (helps her sleep longer and easier to prepare than heating up cold breast milk at 2am).

Talk about a pumping success story --

A few weeks ago I was pumping about a quarter of what Meira needed per feed. Occasionally I'd pump half a bottle's worth of milk and pat myself proudly on the back. Now, a few days after finishing my last fenugreek capsule and what feels like hundreds of pumping sessions later, I am easily pumping out a full bottle each time I sit down to pump. In the morning, I can pump out almost 2 full bottles in one go.

What's more, sometimes I actually look forward to pumping. I love feeling full of milk and then 10 minutes later feeling light and empty. I love sitting there and relaxing, drinking my water (if I remember to bring it to the couch beforehand) and reading or watching TV.

Here's the problem --

As smoothly as things are going, full-time pumping is not a long term option. At least not for me. While I don't mind the pumping at all, sometimes I feel like I need to pump at the expense of going out or at the expense of doing things around the house that need to get done (like taking care of my children).

Yes, you're right (because I'm sure you're thinking this) -- I could just nurse Meira when the pumping is inconvenient; but despite my full milk supply, I still cannot seem to get the knack of nursing. I still try and nurse once or twice a day for a bit, but it is never comfortable or enjoyable. I can't seem to ever get enough milk in her, even if I sit there for an hour with my boob in her mouth.

And here's another thing -- Meira is not the happiest of babies. In fact, we just put her on a formula-only diet for 24 hours to see if maybe there's something in my breast milk that she doesn't like that's making her cranky all the time.

But it is true, she cries after a bottle of breast milk and cries after a bottle of formula, and I always think she's hungry. So I'm sure when I nurse her she's getting plenty and I'm just being neurotic by thinking she's not getting enough.

I know practice makes perfect when it comes to nursing, and I still plan on diong a 2-day nurse-a-thon to try and get us both adjusted. Maybe I will love it, but then again, I doubt it.

Obviously (because you know I can't keep these things to myself) I will keep you posted.

Breastfeeding Update

2011-06-14T08:31:00.000-04:00

It is becoming more and more clear to me that breastfeeding is just not for me -- or at least not this time round...or last time either. I have spent the last two weeks working extremely hard to increase my milk supply by round the clock pumping (every 2-3 hours, 4 hours at night) and taking fenugreek supplements (9 per day). During this time I have done very little actual nursing simply because I was not willing to spend the time nursing, giving bottles (which I had to do after every nursing session), and then pumping, but I did make sure to nurse a few times a day, simply to keep the memory alive for Meira so she wouldn't forget how to do it (and she hasn't).

And after weeks of hard work -- MAGIC -- my supply is up! I produce enough milk to provide full bottles of breast milk for Meira all day and into part of the night! Mission accomplished!

Today I decided to go on a nurse-a-thon and try and give Meira my breast milk through more traditional means -- the breast instead of the bottle. Once again, she fell asleep every couple of minutes or stayed on the breast for hours, oftentimes getting frustrated and bouncing on and off the boob. For about 4 exhausting, nap-free hours I let her nurse on demand, but she never seemed to adequately drain my breasts -- yes, after hours of almost non-stop feeding, I was still dripping milk and she was still not satisfied. When I had had enough, I gave Meira a bottle of pumped milk, and she drank the whole thing.

According to my lactation consultant who watched Meira latch on and feed, she (and I) are doing everything right.

Yet it certainly doesn't feel that way.

Breastfeeding has become something that I dread. When Meira starts to stir after sleeping for a while, my first feelings are of dread -- oh no, time to put her back on the boob.

Not quite the feelings you want to have towards your precious 1-month-old.

So, to sum up, breastfeeding is not for ne, or for us.

That being said, I am still committed, at least for a little while longer (until I begin to dread that too), to provide breast milk for my baby. I have worked so hard to increase my milk supply that it would be a shame to let it dry up now. And the oddest part of this whole thing, is that I totally don't mind pumping. In fact, I sort of enjoy it. It's a quiet, meditative time during which I get to close the door, read or watch TV, and just relax.

Plus, the benefit of pumping (in addition to providing free milk for my baby) is that I still have the option of breastfeeding a) if I change my mind (again) and b) as quick comfort to Meira. It is certainly a nice tool to use when she's screaming and nothing else calms her down.

(P.S. Have I mentioned that my angel baby has turned into a bit of an afternoon/evening colicky baby? We still love her.)

Whenever I hear of people exclusively pumping, I think they are absolutely insane. Please feel free to feel the same way about me...at least while this lasts.

Okay...back to the pump I go!

Nursing, continued.

2011-06-09T08:04:00.000-04:00

I hit my 2 week nursing goal, am about to hit my 1 month goal, and now am shooting to hit the 6 week mark. Most things I've read and most people I've spoken to say that the first 6 weeks are the hardest, but that after that, a solid milk supply should be established and things should get more comfortable and easier.

I know from my own experience with Hila that I never reached the point of comfort and ease. I did the nursing/pumping/supplementing thing for 4 miserable months then, and I swore that I wouldn't put myself, my child, and the people around me through that mess again.

And yet...here I am...nursing and pumping and still having to supplement with formula. The only difference this time is that I'm not going crazy. In fact, besides for a few emotionally draining hiccups, I've been handling these hurdles pretty well.

My milk supply is still not where it should be, but I am working hard to get there by nursing, pumping, and taking a heck of a lot of fenugreek capsules (9 per day). Pumping is a lot less aggravating when you actually get something to show for it. It takes me 2 pumping sessions of about 5-7 minutes each to get a full bottle.

Fortunately, I am working with a very patient little girl. She is, however, also a very sleepy little girl, and that is probably the main reason why things went down in the first place. I simply cannot keep her awake at the breast long enough to get a full meal. And I refuse to have her at the breast all day.

While things are fine right now, they are still far from ideal. I will give it a few more weeks (maybe) to see if things improve and if I can increase my milk and my nursing time and reduce the pumping time and the bottles.Just thinking about all the bottles and pumping stuff in the sink is motivation enough right now.

Meanwhile, whoever said that nursing is the cheaper alternative? Between seeing the lactation consultant, investing in fenugreek, and buying nursing pads, nursing bras/tanks/shirts, and other nursing gear, it is becoming quite expensive! (Thank you Bethami for the pump and pillow!)

Nursing.

2011-05-24T02:28:00.000-04:00

Nursing. I have milk and a baby willing to suck -- two things I never had during my 4-month trial (and failure) with Hila. My nipples aren't even that sore.

And yet...

Eh. I'm not loving it. I miss the 3-4 hours schedule that you can immediately implement when you're using formula. I don't like having leaky boobs and having to wear nursing pads all day, every day. I don't like feeling like I can't go out because maybe (definitely) the baby will need to eat and I'll have to sit on a park bench or in a restaurant for an hour trying to feed her without exposing myself. I don't like feeding every hour, maybe two hours, maybe even three hours at night, but most probably 30 minutes (during teh day). I don't like feeling insecure that Meira isn't getting enough to eat since there's no way to measure what she gets in a single sitting.

I've already given in and feed her one bottle of formula at night -- and oh how I look forward to it!

But it really does seem like a shame to quit when things are actually working out, especially after my struggle last time. And it's not like I have much else to do during these next few weeks...

I am going to take this one day at a time.

Meanwhile, in an effort to make sure Hila doesn't try and give Meira food or drink or any sort, we're had the following conversation a few times:

Me: "Hila, can babies eat pizza?" (or whatever we're eating at the time)
Hila: (laughing) "No!"
Me: "What do babies eat?"
Hila: "Only mommy's boobies. Only boobies."

Welcome to the world, Meira Aviv!

2011-05-24T02:26:00.000-04:00

Last week on Saturday, May 14, 2011, we welcomed little baby girl, Meira Aviv, into the world, and since then, she has transitioned into our family and into our lives beautifully.

No offense to our very special big girl Hila, but WOW -- I had no idea that newborns could be so quiet, easy going, and patient. We are truly blessed to have a new baby in the house who doesn't disrupt the calm and relative quiet that we've worked hard to maintain while raising our first child.

Of course, the smooth sailing can't wholly be attributed to Meira. Hila has already proven to be an amazing big sister. She's quiet and gentle around Meira, understands that certain things (toys, pacifiers, swings) belong to Meira ("only Meira"), and is extremely proud to show off her baby sister to any visitors who stop by. Meira is the first person she wants to say goodnight to before bed and good morning to when she wakes up. She's even patient during the long hours that Meira spends in my lap during her never ending nursing sessions (see next post).

People assured me that a second birth would be easier and shorter than the first. In terms of timing, Meira's birth followed a very similar timeline to Hila's (about 12 hours -- 8 hours until the epidural). In terms of intensity and pain, I think it was pretty similar as well. But one thing is certain -- this birth was not traumatic. I knew what to expect, knew that the pain was unimaginable, and knew that it was all normal. After reading the book Hypnobirthing and preparing with our AMAZING doula, Julia Mannes, I really internalized the idea that much of the pain and trauma of childbirth is connected to fear. Did these contractions kill? Yes, just like before. But I wasn't scared, had strong support around me (Menachem, Julia, and an excellent midwife) and so I kept my cool (sorta) and had a relatively calm birth.

And yes, of course I had an epidural. Anyone who doesn't is just silly.

We love you Meira!

Is Hila trying to get rid of me?

2011-04-30T15:17:00.000-04:00

The other day we were outside playing and Hila said, "Mommy, go away." And I said, "No." And then she said, "Okay, Mommy stay here." So I said okay and sat down next to her. And then she got up and walked away.

Hammocks and Jellyfish

2011-04-28T09:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Hila and I were out on our balcony and Hila was sitting in the hammock (no way I'm getting in--i'll never get this huge body out of it). I asked Hila if she knew what the things she was sitting in was called. With a very matter-of-fact tone she answered, "A magic carpet!"

Is this a kid who has watched Aladdin one too many times or what?

Then later I was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and, very politely, Hila said, "More jellyfish, please."

Bye Bye Bottles!

2011-04-25T15:09:00.000-04:00

We said we would do it and we did: We got rid of all of Hila's bottles just before Pesach. She's probably asked for a bottle of milk once a day since then, but has not cried or whined when I offered her a cup of milk instead. I think maybe today she didn't even ask for one. Of course, now she's drinking very little milk (none today), but we'll work on that. She has two new sippy cups that she's enjoying, and otherwise she is drinking from regular cups. Yay Hila!

And about the pacifier...we'll revisit that in six months or so. For now, she's super attached to it and we're not in the mood to fight. She just got her bottles taken away, there's a new baby coming soon, and then we have a trip to American later in the summer (i.e. long flights). We'll let her hold on to the pacifier at least through all that.

Bottle Weaning?

2011-03-29T04:22:00.000-04:00

Hila is already 2+ years old and still drinks from a bottle. Not always--that is, she also drinks from sippy cups, straw cups, and regular cups just fine. But sometimes she really wants her bottle of milk.

Because she also habitually sucks on her pacifier, we've decided that she's probably ready to give up the bottle. (One bad habit is enough...) We were going to wait until Pesach, but last night I decided to give her milk in a sippy cup ("just like Avigail" -- her BFF) and she was totally fine with it -- excited even.

So that was easy.

But then this morning she woke up at 6am (which I know may be normal for you, but is unacceptable in this house), and I know that the only way to get her to go back to sleep is to give her a bottle of milk. We don't ever let her fall asleep with milk in her bed at night, but if she wakes up between 5-6:30, giving her milk does give us a chance at another hour (or like this morning, 2.5 hours!) of sleep.

So, here I am, with a 2-year-old who seems more than ready to give up her bottle, but who has parents who are still relying on it for their own benefit. I could give her a sippy cup of milk in bed in the morning instead of the bottle...but what's the difference really?

Falling Asleep Frustrations

2011-03-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

First, the good news: Hila has been sleeping through the night in her big bed about 9 times out of 10. Okay, maybe 8 times out of 10. And on the nights that she does wake up crying, all we need to do is go to sleep in the twin bed next to hers and she'll fall back asleep until her 6:30-7:30 wake-up.

The hard part: It has been really hard to get her to fall asleep. First, she needs like 6 pacifiers in her bed. We read her 3-4 books, say shma, and then TRY and leave her room, telling her that she can read in bed. We leave her door open a crack, with the hall light on, so she can see a bit.

She's usually quiet for a few mintues and then cries for us to come in. Crying it out just doesn't work when she's in a big bed. I'm just afraid she'll fall out. There's a bed rail, but it doesn't wrap all the way around the bed and if she leans over it in an attempt to get out, she'll fall. She doesn't quite know how to get out by herself, though she has done it on occasion.

So we end up going in. Sometimes she says she has a poop (and when we check she usually doesn't), and sometimes she wants a bottle of milk (which we usually don't give in to). Usually, the only thing she wants is for mommy or daddy to lay down in the other bed. Which we usually do. And within 30-40 minutes (okay, sometimes an hour), she's usually asleep, after much singing, talking, and occasional whining.

The thing about these 30-40 minutes is that it's not an altogether unpleasant experience. In fact, she doesn't mind when if we read in bed with a little light or bring in a laptop. (I am actually in her room now -- I hear her breathing getting a bit deeper....)

Sometimes I think we should just start out the night like this, rather than spend a good half hour trying to convince her that she's a big girl and can sleep by herself. By that time, and then after the 40 minutes in her room, it's been well over an hour of trying to get her to sleep. If we were to just come in and get in the other bed at 7pm on the dot, then we'd be out of there by 7:30 and Hila would get a full hour of extra sleep.

On the other hand, we're always ones to think about the long-term effects of a situation and to think about breeding good habits. How long is this going to go on that she needs us in there to fall asleep? She USED to be able to go to sleep on her own with no problems. When the new baby comes, are we going to be able to handle two kids who have trouble sleeping?

Any tips on how we can get her to sleep on her own? Reason doesn't work -- i.e. telling her that she's a big girl and big girls sleep all by themselves.

P.S. It is clear that she is no longer afraid or uncomfortable in her new room or in her new bed. She simply does not like to sleep ("no sleep! no sleep!") and certainly not alone.

"POOP!"

2011-02-24T01:48:00.000-05:00

This is how Hila greets us most mornings. She'll cry or call for us to come get her from her bed (she doesn't get out on her own -- we're hoping that lasts for a while), and as soon as we open her door, the first word out of her mouth is "POOP!" Not "Good morning, mommy" or "Hi," but "Poop," plain and simple.

And half the time she didn't even make a poop!

And while I'm on the subject, just the other day, Hila, who usually struggles when we change her diaper, came over to me and asked me to change her diaper.

Me: Do you have pee-pee or poopy in your diaper?
Hila: No pee-pee. No poopy. Only farts.

Overheard from the Big Girl Bed

2011-02-06T14:33:00.001-05:00

"Muchum! Muchum! Read book!" -- This was calling out to daddy ("Muchum"=Menachem) who was sitting right outside her door.

"Bottle of milk; go to sleep." -- Hila negotiating her sleep terms after "trying" to go to sleep for an hour, unsuccessfully.

Getting Used to the Big Girl Bed

2011-02-06T08:56:00.000-05:00

We've had a difficult few weeks since Hila fell (jumped?) out of her crib and landed on her head. That very night we said goodbye to her crib and moved Hila into a twin bed (now complete with bed rail) and new room. We are trying to be sympathetic and patient, knowing that it is a big adjustment, but the hours of fighting about going to sleep at night and the missed naps when she's home all day can really be tiring.

We have had a few good nights, particularly those that follow a nap-less day when she literally passes out in bed from exhaustion. Last night, for example, she slept for 14 hours (!!!) and then still took a nap today.

I think we would have waited a bit longer before the big transfer, but the truth is, now's a good time. It gives Hila a good 3-4 months before the new baby comes and takes over her old room.

The number of good nights are becoming more and the number of difficult ones are becoming less, so I assume we're all headed in the right direction.

Review: Kosher By Design Teens and 20-Somethings

2011-01-25T13:37:00.000-05:00

I have about four hours to write this review while I'm still a teen or 20-something (obviously I fall into the latter category), so here's a quick review of Kosher By Design Teens and 20-Somethings, in bullet format.

First, the negatives:

I think the cover is sorta stupid looking.
I think teens and 20-somethings really don't have much in common, so I'm not sure why they're clumped together into a single cookbook. Maybe to someone in her 40s or 50s (the age range I imagine Susie Fishbein, the author of the cookbook, falls into), teens and 20-somethings are the same. She'd probably criticize me for saying that people in their 40s and 50s are the same, so I guess we're even. But really, for a cookbook, there's a big difference. Mainly, teenagers live in their parent's home and have access to all the wonderful kitchen gadgets and endless ingredients that go along with a well established kitchen. 20-somethings, on the other hand, are either single in college with few appliances (if any) and little money, or are "young professionals" (the new term for single people) who maybe have slightly more of those things but not much, or are perhaps young married couples who are likely paying a full rent for the first time and probably don't have much money either. So, not that the recipes in this cookbook are super expensive, but I'd like to see a budget cookbook that would better reflect the needs of 20-somethings.
As a pretty lazy 20-something, I found a few of the recipes to be a bit long. However, in general, the recipes were easy and straightforward, and I appreciated that.
As a 20-something and NOT as a teenager, I was offended by some of the recipes. Like do I really need a recipe for hot chocolate or for popcorn? I think I can figure those out on my own. Also, I don't generally keep Cap'n Crunch on my cereal shelf.
In the introduction to Homemade Chickies, Fishbein writes, "If you are lucky enough to live in or near Teaneck, NJ..." This made me feel bad because I am not lucky enough to live in or near NJ -- instead I live in the holy city of Jerusalem. I wish I had known about these Chickies before making aliyah; maybe then I'd have moved to Teaneck and would be able to count myself among the lucky ones.

And now for the good part -- I'd say every single recipe that I tried from this cookbook (and I've already made quite a few) was absolutely delicious.
Here are a few highlights --

The pizza soup and the beef and barley soup rocked. I will definitely be making those again and again and they were quite easy and quick to prepare.
In the chicken department, I made the teriyali mushroom chicken, shwarma chicken, sticky orange herb-roasted chicken, and the Amalfi chicken (minus the powdered lemonade -- I doubt that's how they make it in Italy) -- each was excellent, especially the shwarma chicken, which I've made a few times.
The eggplant parmesan is one of the recipes that took FOREVER to make; it was, however, the best eggplant parm I've ever made, maybe even the best I've ever eaten.
Spicy carrot sticks -- oh so easy to make and oh so delicious. A great substitute for french fries.
I'm horrible with salad dressings, so I appreciated the simple salad recipe.
Chocolate chocolate chip sticks -- yummy and easy.
Blondies -- I burnt them, which is not Susie's fault. People still ate them, though. All of them.

Overall, it's a good cookbook, maybe even an excellent cookbook, food-wise. Theme-wise, I think it could have used some tweaking.

P.S. Kosher By Design Short on Time is still my favorite.

We should all call oranges "tapuzim."

2010-12-23T04:24:00.000-05:00

I find it absolutely adorable when Hila slips Hebrew into her everyday English speech -- ("Slicha chair," she says as she moves her chair out of the way) -- but because I want to make sure that she speaks both languages fluently and separately, I usually correct her Hebrew by repeating back what she said in English.

There are a few exceptions, though. A few words that I think make more sense in Hebrew than in English. There are a few, but the only one that comes to mind right now is the word "tapuz."

We're teaching Hila her colors (at home in English and at gan she's learning them in Hebrew), and I think it's very confusing that an orange (the fruit) is called by its color. Why doesn't it get its own name like every other fruit? And anyways, tapuz is such a nice sounding word and Hila says it beautifully.

Funny Goose!

2010-10-14T13:49:00.003-04:00

Hila is a smart kid -- we all know that -- but today she said something which to me was exceptionally perceptive. We were reading Jamberry, and when we got to the page with the goose on it, Hila said, "Funny goose!" She MEANT to say silly goose, what I always say when we get to the goose and what I've started calling Hila when she's silly. But she must've forgotten the exact expression, and so tried to reason through it, and came up with funny goose. To me this showed a level of understanding and thought that I didn't really know she was capable of.

Bye-bye bottle

2010-08-19T14:41:00.003-04:00

In the last few days, Hila has gone from 2-5 bottles per day to about one. She used to have one in the morning, one at nap-time, and one at bed-time without fail. Sometimes the one from the morning would last until nap time (which is why I say sometimes 2) and sometimes she'd NEED one in the afternoon (4) and sometimes she'd drink her night-time bottle, NOT fall asleep, and then cry until we give her yet another bottle (5).

The doctor told us on Sunday that we should really be brushing her teeth and then putting her to bed without a bottle of milk (water is fine). That night we took it away. Over the last few weeks we've been re-introducing the pacifier to Hila so that when we finally got the guts to take away her bottle, she wouldn't miss it too terribly.

That night she cried for half an hour, we went in to calm her down, she cried for another half hour, we went in to calm her down, and then finally she went to sleep. WITHOUT A BOTTLE. [Note: We'd tried taking away her in-bed bottle for AGES, but always succumbed to Hila-pressure.]

The next day, Hila was starting a new gan where she'd be sleeping on a mat on the floor -- something she'd never done before. We didn't want the adjustment to be too difficult, so we sent her with a bottle. She slept on the mat successfully.

That night, she went to sleep without a bottle AND without crying (with her Pooh and her pacifier). The next day, the gannenet forgot to give Hila her bottle at nap-time, and Hila slept! That night, a few tears, but no bottle. And today, she went to gan and we didn't even bother sending her a bottle.

The thing is, is that now she's not really drinking any milk. We give her the morning bottle, but she's really not that interested. And before bed we give her a bottle to drink before brushing teeth, and she needs a little convincing to drink it. I think she's having enough, it's just funny that just a few days ago we were trying so so hard to cut back on her milk intake, and now we need to try and boost it.

P.S. Hila's new gan is in Hebrew and apparently Hila is a model child who does whatever she is expected to do...including sleeping on a mat on the floor, a feat I had thought impossible for my sleep-in-crib-only baby.

It's not pretty. (Or is it?)

2010-08-03T10:04:00.002-04:00

While we were walking home from gan today, Hila approached a dead plant and said, "Pretty. Pretty." And then continued to walk right past the very beautiful flower that was growing beside it.

It reminded me of this poem, one of my favorites:

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.
it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

by: Charles Bukowski

Why I didn't go to the gym today

2010-07-15T03:06:00.002-04:00

(or, All because of my missing sunglasses)

I guess I sort of gave that one away. Here's the complete (and really not very interesting) story:

Hila and I (Hila first) woke up at around 7:15. I got H dressed and then got dressed myself into my gym clothes so I could go straight to my aerobics class (8:30) after I dropped off Hila. We had plenty of time, so I sat down to check my email and Hila played for a while (ripping up toilet paper, putting it into a plastic cup, and then dumping it onto a plate--over and over and over again). Things were going smoothly, until Hila decided (as usual) that she wanted an eggy. I opened the fridge, she took out an egg, and SPLAT.

Delay #1. Had to clean up a smashed egg from the floor.

Then I made an omelet for Hila (like we do every morning), and I was going to put it in a baggy for her to bring to gan, but she insisted that she eat it NOW.

Delay #2. Hila eats her eggy.

It's getting close to 8:30, so we better get out the door so I can make it to my class. (P.S. In my month of belonging to the gym, I have never missed my two classes per week minimum--I've also never exceeded it, but whatever.)

My sunglasses are always in one of a few places--on the buffet, in whatever bag I was using the day before, on the kitchen table, or on the dining room table. When I found that they were in none of the places, I started to panic. HOW ON EARTH am I going to leave the house without my sunglasses? AND WHY, OH WHY, do I not have a backup pair?

Delay #3. I can't find my sunglasses.

This has actually never happened. I completely COULD NOT find them. And if you know me AT ALL (really), you know that I do not leave the house, rain or shine (but especially Middle East summer shine) without my sunglasses (for medical/visual reasons, mainly).

8:30 approaches and I figure if I run out now, I can still get to my class by 8:45, which is really not too late considering that it always starts late anyways.

I put on a hat to shield my unprotected eyes and decide to brave the sun, seeing that I don't really have any other choice.

On my way down the stairs, I decide to stop at our new neighbor/friend's house--maybe yesterday when we were hanging out, my sunglasses ended up with them (not that I would ever be that careless with something so precious).

While they didn't have my sunglasses, they did offer me a pair of theirs...and a cup of coffee.

Delay #4. Liat offered me coffee, and Hila clearly wanted to stay and watch Teletubbies with Avigayil.

At that point, it was too late to make it to the gym anyways, so I figured I may as well turn my calm-turned-frantic morning back into a calm morning.

And that's why I didn't go to the gym this morning.

Meanwhile, I just found my sunglasses. They were on a side table under my bandana. And now I'll have to go to the gym tomorrow morning...on a Friday. Ugh.

Talking, not babbling

2010-07-14T13:10:00.002-04:00

I have a theory, and it's for my professional, speech-therapist sister-in-law Shira to confirm.

Hila was never really a babbler. She never really babbled long strings of unrecognizable speech. She was/is always very particular with her words, and while she may say "more" or "pizza" or "bottle" a thousand times in a row, she won't just say "oogleyboogedygrabelygoogoogaga."

Recently, however, Hila has begun using longer and sort of unrecognizable strings of words.

But--and here's my theory--I don't think she's babbling; I think she's talking. In other words, it was never in her nature to just make long strings of weird sounds, so why should she start now after she already has grasped the concept of real speech? I think that she really thinks she is speaking. There are real words in her strings of nonsense, and she seems to be speaking carefully, like she's really thought about what she wants to say and has chosen words accordingly.

So Hila talks, not babbles. Just sayin'.

In other news, Menachem is in miluim and we all really miss him. Just 5 days, but still. Hila must have asked for her daddy a million times today. And the other day I asked her to bring me a book, and instead she brought me a picture of Menachem, pointing to him and saying daddy. (She's now sleeping with the picture in her crib.)

New words: Yeerio (Cheerio), I yuh-oo(I love you).

Hila is strange.

2010-06-30T02:38:00.002-04:00

Wow, this has potential to be a long post.

Three things off the top of my head.

Hila is obsessed with ice. She wakes up in the morning asking (or crying) for ice. When we finally give in and give it to her, she holds it in her hand until it melts. Yeah, I know. Weird. Also a bit medically unsettling--don't her hands get cold?
When you ask Hila to give you five, she'll hit your hand (correctly) and then hit herself in the head.
Hila has eaten raw onion and raw zucchini, after insisting that it was apple, and then instead of being disapointed, asked for more. (When I do give her apples, she's always really excited, but then just holds it--she never really eats it.)

I'm sure this list will grow.

The balance of an old person

2010-06-23T13:51:00.002-04:00

About a year ago I took the Wii balance test. At the time I was 28 and the results revealed that I had the balance of a 49-year-old. Now that I am 29, I'm assuming that my balance score has exponentially increased to (I'm going to actually do this math problem...hold on)...not sure if I did that right...but I now have the balance of a 51-year-old. At this rate, when I actually AM 51, I'll have the balance of a...hold on...89.25-year-old.

Anyways, my lack of balance has only recently been reinforced as I've joined the gym across the street that is attended mostly by middle-aged and older women, who all seem to have equal or better balance than I do.

This also brings me to another point I've been wanted to share for a long time, and that is: Why I am so bad at yoga.

You wouldn't know this from watching me in a yoga class, but I've been taking yoga on and off for many, many years. Yet I'm still no good at it. There are two reasons for this...no three.

As mentioned above, I have the balance of someone at least 20 years my senior. As people age, their balance deteriorates. You do the math (or look at mine above).
I am just not flexible.
I have short arms. For real. It runs in my family. Golds have short arms--it's just a slight disability that we've all learned to live with. Basically it means that we can't reach our toes so easily. Poses like half-moon, down-dog, and cow-face, therefore, are difficult. And since #1 rules out tree, eagle, and warrior III, I'm not left with too many doable postures.

All that being said, I really do love yoga. I really do believe that while practicing yoga you're competing against no one but yourself. I suck at yoga--always have and always will--but that's not to say that I haven't made very slight progress since I started so long ago.

Meanwhile, I haven't actually gone to a yoga class in the last year since my yoga teacher--here's a shout out to Jodi--moved to America. :(

Wow, a whole post without mentioning Hila--that's not right. So here: My new favorite Hila-ism is "oots" or "ootsy"--for "whoops" or "whoopsy." Ok, now I feel better.

We just can't kick the bottle...

2010-06-13T08:22:00.002-04:00

The last few nights have been tough on all of us. We've tried putting Hila to bed without her bottle of milk. There was one successful night, but the others have just ended in tears. Lots of tears. And lots of bottles.

Her not-really-sleeping-through-the-night phase actually started before we started trying to break her of her bottle habit. We think either she was teething (though we still haven't seen new teeth) or that she was constipated (good thing Hila likes prune juice). So I guess looking back it wasn't a good time to spring something new on her, but I sort of thought that since she was having trouble sleeping through the night anyways, maybe now actually WOULD be a good time to sort of double up on an annoyance. Why wait until everything is smooth sailing to THEN throw another curve ball at her?

In any case, Hila has not been sleeping so well lately...with or without the bottle. She'll go to sleep well, but then wake up a few times in the night and refuse to be put back in her crib until she's tossed and turned in our bed (quite violently) for some time and built some block towers in the living room.

The other night she INSISTED on hugging the dish soap for a little while. Today, during an almost-tantrum (she's never had a full-blown tantrum, just almost-tantrums), she again insisted on hugging the soap, but then I had to take it away (more tears) when I saw her sneaking a nip at the nozzle.

That was one little fight we had. We had another fight the other day when I told her that she can only eat unwrapped cheese triangles (which of course she did not want) and not the foil-wrapped ones (which she squeezed so hard in an effort to not let me get them that I had to throw them out). She doesn't really like cheese anyways; I don't know why I even tried.

She made me think of Sandra Boynton's What's Wrong Little Pookie? last night when she was crying and crying and crying and I kept asking her what was wrong and if she wanted X, Y, or Z, and she kept saying "no" in such a small, sad voice. Finally she said she wanted her daddy, which was good timing because he was on his way up the stairs at that point (he had been out watching "the game").

But don't worry, it's not all tears and sleepless nights around here. After all, there are the glorious mornings that follow these nights when we all sleep in til 8:30...9:00...and later. The other day we had to wake Hila up at 11:30.

She loves her baths more than...pretty much anything. She loves her bottles. She loves cereal (so much that sometimes that's all she eats all day). She loves the ABCs and Old McDonald. She loves jumping. She loves reading. And she loves her naps--she's about to hit 3 hours as I write this.

Today we went to a Mommy&Me shiur (I'm hosting next week, by the way) and we passed the pizza shop on Palmach. She started shouting "pizza! pizza!" She and her daddy go there a lot on their way home from gan.

Wake up, Hila, so we can play!

The Only Thing Better than One Hila, is Two Hilas

2010-05-03T02:53:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, while Hila and I were checking out the new H&M at Kenyon Malcha, Hila made a new friend.

Hila has seen herself in mirrors before, but somehow, this full length mirror at H&M totally snuck up on her. She was running around H&M looking at all the pretty clothes ("so pitty!") when all of a sudden she saw a beautiful little girl opposite her. She stopped, stared, and then kept walking. But wait--where'd that girl go? she must have been thinking, because then she turned back and went to the mirror again. VOILA! Her friend appeared, delighted to see her. She responded in equal delight. She kept slinking away slowly, and then quickly reappearing to find a very excited reflection in the mirror. She struck different poses...and so did Hila #2! She put her hands on the floor and then put her hands in the air...and so did her friend! She hugged and kissed and talked to her new friend, while strangers walked by laughing at her discovery.

Then she walked away and bumped into a rack of clothes, fell down, and cried. Game over.

Some Random Thoughts

2010-01-27T04:17:00.003-05:00

For Tal Bagels' sake, they should mix their salads more thoroughly. Yesterday I ordered a salad that was supposed to have avocado in it but as I started digging around in the heaping pile of boring lettuce, I saw nothing. I called the waitress over and pointed to "avocado" on the menu and said that my salad was missing this key ingredient. She brought over a nice side plate filled with sliced avocado for me to add to my salad and said that she'll give me the extra, but that there is avocado in the salad. I fished deeper into the lettuce pile and found a huge amount of avocado hiding underneath. I lucked out!

I love sharing my birthday with Hila. I had so much fun yesterday singing "Happy Birthday to Us" and telling our waiter at Roladin that it was both of our birthdays. (He came back with a sparkler in our cake.) So how did we celebrate? On Shabbat we had a little bday party/seudat shlishit in the park in Modiin and then on our proper birthday we went to Roladin and had cake. Hila ate her cheesecake using a cinnamon stick I had given her from my hot cider. She's adorable.

We are going to Rome in a week and a half for four days and then to New York for 10 days and then to Miami for seven weeks and then to Orlando for one week (Pesach). And I am SOOOOO excited!!

I am a very lucky person.

For example, I have lost another few pounds! I have about 9 lbs to go until I hit my pre-wedding weight! (I already hit pre-baby weight a few pounds ago.)

Another example: I have lost that weight despite the fact that I have a serious chocolate addiction and continue to eat unnormally large amounts of Clusters and milk.

But really I am lucky because I have an amazing family, both the one I came from and the one I am working to create, and the best friends ever. I realized that I missed my twisted bowel-versary this year (Jan. 20). Around this time of year I like to reflect on how precious life is and how wonderful my friends and family are.

Sleeping though the Night with Earplugs

2010-01-12T12:26:00.004-05:00

I used to think I had a bladder problem because I'd wake up once or twice to pee in the middle of the night. It was very frustrating.

But I realize now, after sleeping through the night for the last 2 weeks, that it wasn't a problem with my bladder, but rather an inability to stay asleep with the slightest bit of noise around me. Once I was up, I'd inevitably have to pee as I lay there anxiously trying to fall back asleep.

Such noises include a sometimes snoring husband (no names, to respect his privacy), our old lady neighbor's blaring TV that she keeps on through the night, cars honking, etc.

I put these magic little foam plugs into my ears and...silence. All night long, I get to sleep in a deep, cocoon of silence. I sleep so deeply that my body (bladder included) forgets that it has any other function to perform other than sleep.

"But Sarah," you may wonder, "what do you do about your 11-month old baby? Isn't Menachem (oh shoot, now you know who I was talking about before), like, the deepest sleeper ever?"

Thank God, Hila's got a healthy set of lungs. She makes sure that one of us wakes up when she's ready to play.

Kisses, kisses, everywhere! and The Zoo

2009-12-16T14:20:00.003-05:00

Hila likes to kiss. If you say the word "kiss" she'll pucker up. She kisses her stuffed animals and dolls, her books, the floor...everything!

In other news, Hila started mishpachton this week. As of now it's 3 babies, a babysitter, and a mom who's in and out (it's at her house and one of the babies is hers). The situation is not ideal. It's a rather small play space--but how much room does a 10.5 month old need? The babystitter is only 18--but she's haredi (so lots of siblings) and the mom is there a lot of the time, maybe even most of the time. There's construction going on right outside the window--but the noise doesn't seem to bother Hila.

A pro: Efrat (the mom in charge) is extremely flexible. Most gans here make you pay for full time, even if you won't be coming in all the time. And I have a feeling that few would let you sign up for just two months. We've signed up for 4 afternoons a week and only this month and next (because then we go to America). She's also very nice and speaks English (though the babysitter herself does not.)

Another pro: The house is very close to the park and Mazi (the babysitter) takes Hila to the park every day. (I think one of the babies leaves earlier in the day, so it's just Hila and Efrat's 1.5 year old son.)

Another pro: It's really close to Present Tense where Menachem and I take turns doing our working. It's also close to Emek. So while it's not super close to our house, it's a nice walk and is close to everything else.

So why do I use the word "zoo" above? I'll tell you.

This week is Chanukah (Happy Chanukah!) and Efrat's other six children were home. The oldest of these seven (total) children looks like she's about 8. And it's not a large apartment.

Hila seems less overwhelmed than I was. Even Menachem seemed a little nervous about the situation.

But Hila seems happy. The kids all love her. When I drop her off the older girls come running to her with open arms, eager to play.

Efrat says that Hila just crawls around laughing and smiling and playing all day. And I believe her.

Hila does now have terrible diaper rash (probably our fault) and she isn't eating lunch there. But you know what? Hila eats a good breakfast and a good dinner. She was home today and I couldn't get her to eat lunch today either.

Meanwhile, if it doesn't rain tomorrow, my mom, Eden, Hila, and I will be going to the real zoo (the one with the animals).

I pray for rain in Israel, but only at night and in the early morning.

A mother's unoriginal perspective: My child is a genius.

2009-12-06T09:11:00.006-05:00

Today Hila and I went to the doctor for a 10-month old checkup. To sum up, the doctor says Hila is tall, weird, and delicious.

Tall and delicious are obvious observations.

About "weird", which may sound like an odd thing for a doctor to say about a 10-month old: I told him that when I say, "It's time to eat an eggy," Hila goes to her highchair. And when I say, "Go read a book," Hila goes and reads her books. He said to this, "That is weird. That is just a little too advanced." And then he seemed really skeptical about everything I had said when I told him that she says the words "up" and "book." But she does! I promise! (Good thing I didn't also tell him that she has said carrot, eggy, what's this, thank you, and bottle--am I delusional?)

But then he said "weird" again! Is it so weird that Hila likes to get her ears checked?

So as you can see, Hila is doing great, which means we're all doing great. She's a fantastic night sleeper and takes a 1.5-3 hour morning nap. An afternoon nap doesn't always happen.

This morning's nap, for example, was insane. Three hours passed and we didn't hear a peep from her room. Usually when she wakes up she plays some music and sings. This morning, nothing. We crept in there, expecting to find her still sleeping, but she was sitting up, reading a book, quiet as a silent mouse!

Hila's newest adorable act: Yelling at strangers out the window. Really loudly. And continuously.

This Morning

2009-11-24T02:07:00.002-05:00

Hila usually wakes up between 6:00-7:00am. I generally hear her playing or singing at the early end of that and we don't go in there until she sounds like she needs us -- sometimes 30 minutes later.

Since we both work from home, we don't get up until Hila wakes us (and then Menachem usually lets me sleep a little later...).

This morning we woke up at 8:15, on our own. Hmmmm. 8:25 comes and goes. Strange. And then 8:35.

I don't generally worry, but Hila's not one to sleep for 13 hours straight, so maybe we should just go check on her....

We quietly turn the knob of her door and we hear her sucking an empty bottle--we leave a bottle of water in her crib for her.

Who knows how long she's been up, but there's my little angel sitting up quietly, finishing her water bottle, not making a peep, letting her mommy and daddy sleep late.

She was very excited to see us. :)

Oh, but of course...

2009-10-28T14:54:00.002-04:00

I don't believe in jinxes, per say, yet it does always seem to work out this way. Hila has not slept through the night since that last post I wrote. She wakes up at least once, but usually twice, and sometimes three or even four times in the night. She's not hungry (which is good, at least), and it usually just takes a few minutes of rocking and a few sips of water to get her to go back into her crib and fall asleep. But sometimes it takes longer.

She is in the middle of growing her first tooth--we actually see it and feel it this time--so that could be related. And she's a little sniffly and snotty, so that could be it too. Or maybe she just got bored of sleeping through the night.

In other big news, Hila, today, at nine months and one day old, finally ate from a spoon eagerly and excitedly. It was apple yogurt that did the trick. Later I pressed my luck and tried giving her cottage cheese, but she was no longer interested. We'll try again tomorrow. Otherwise, she's been eating finger foods beautifully.

And now, off to my screaming baby I go...

Hila Update

2009-10-21T11:00:00.002-04:00

Hila is getting cuter and cuter everyday. She spits, pulls hair, knocks over garbage cans, throws food--wait, those are going to stop getting cute, aren't they?

Lately we've overcome some challenges, and we're so proud of our big girl! First, while Hila still prefers to feed herself and doesn't allow us near her with a spoon (unless it's for her to play with), she's starting to feed herself more efficiently, getting more food, and more varieties of food, into her mouth and then down into her belly. She also sometimes lets us feed her little bits of food off a fork. I think she just doesn't like mushed up food.

Some of Hila's favorite foods: chicken, tofu, peas, avocado, cheerios, bread, eggs, humus, tzfatit cheese, peanut butter, and crackers. Yes, as you can see, fruits and veggies are few...we're working on that.

The second challenge we've overcome is...SLEEP!! Yay Hila! Hila has been sleepipng through the night (7pm-7am) for at least a week. And if she does wake up, all she needs is a cuddle and maybe a bottle of water. No more night time feeds! (Though sometimes I miss her nighttime cuddles so much that Menachem has to pull me away from her door so I don't go wake her up for a hug.)

Naps are a bit more challenging because she has a more energy and likes to stand up in her crib, which is just way too exciting to pass up. A blanket sleeping bag sort of helps, but I'm convinced that she'd stand up even if we tied her lets together and glued her to the mattress.

I think it was my father who once said that everything is a phase. Bad things come to an end and good things come to an end too. And we've seen that with Hila, because she used to sleep through the night fine when she was about 5 or 6 months old.

So, we appreciate what we have, for as long as we're lucky to have it.

Foods I Like Better American

2009-09-17T09:53:00.002-04:00

Raisins
Cornflakes
Granola bars
Ice cream
Cheap orange juice

(This is a work in progress. Next up: Foods I Like Better Israeli.)

Drinking Water with the Cap Off

2009-09-14T06:47:00.003-04:00

(This post is dedicated to my loving husband, Menachem -- my first blog dedicee ever.)

I am always hot and dehydrated, especially since I got pregnant and gave birth. I wake up with extreme thirst (I've gotten tested for diabetes and don't have it, thank God) and spend most of the day thirsty, though often I am too thirsty to drink--no one understands that--so I get more thirsty. People think of me as a "water-drinker", probably because you will rarely see me without a water bottle by my side...but do you ever see me actually drinking from that water bottle?

Anyways, Menachem is a very good water-drinking-encourager and has been telling me for about a year now that I would drink more if I took the stupid sport's cap off my water bottle and just drank straight from the bottle. But I LOVE drinking from a sport's cap, but it's true, whenever I finally give in to my thirst and take a drink, it usually ends up being a tiny sip, which is not enough.

Recently we bought some Supersal (really Shufersal) sport's cap water bottles--I had forgotten how annoying their sport's caps are, even more annoying than Mei Eden bottles, and not nearly as wonderful as Neviot.

I can't be bothered breaking my teeth trying to get that sport's cap up--I'm a very lazy water drinker--and so now, finally, after all these months and years, I am taking off the cap and drinking straight from the bottle.

And now, I think, I'm less dehydrated.

Next step: Learn how to drink from a cup.

This is not a recipe blog...

2009-09-12T16:03:00.002-04:00

But I'd like to share a recipe.

As you know, I do not know how to follow a recipe. Sometimes, before I start cooking or baking, I'll say, "Okay, THIS time, I'm going to follow the recipe exactly, just to see if I can." But no way am I putting in as much oil as the recipe calls for! And maybe I'll use whole wheat flour instead of white. Preheat the oven? Pish!

I started out making zucchini carrot bread for shabbat lunch, using this recipe. But my carrots were bad, so it became zucchini bread. And I used less oil, of course. And my bran cereal was dairy (WHY?!), so I put some multi grain cheerios in the blender and used those instead. Then I decided that I really didn't need another side dish, so I added some cocoa powder and chunks of bittersweet chocolate. And I baked it in a bundt pan and sprinkled powder sugar on it.

Anyways, it was okay. Sort of dry and a little bland. But that's not the recipe I wanted to share.

It's this one, that I made up and that was a success:

Roasted Rosemary Garlic Chicken
1 whole chicken
2 heads of garlic
some dried rosemary
some course sea salt

1. Clean chicken and place in your stoneware chicken cooker (WHAT?? You don't have one of these?)
2. No wait, before you do that, put some salt and the 2 garlic heads in the chicken cavity. Then put it in the cooker.
3. Rub dried rosemary all over the chicken.
4. Sprinkle with sea salt on and around the chicken.
5. Bake at 375 degrees (Fahrenheit) uncovered for 45 minutes and then for another 30 minutes covered.

(I didn't actually look at the clock, so those times are approximate. Just cut into the chicken to make sure it's really done.)

Cut up the chicken and serve with the garlic.

Enjoy!

It's nice when someone thinks you're lucky!

2009-09-01T09:11:00.002-04:00

I'm at Cafe Cafe (worst food ever) with Hila who is sitting and playing so nicely in her stroller next to me and a pregnant woman at the table next to me just told me how lucky I am and how she hopes her baby will let her work the way Hila lets me.

Yes, it's true. I'm lucky.

Whereas in last post I expressed my frustration about Hila's moodiness/screami-ness/unwillingness to cooperate in the fields of eating and sleeping, in this post I'd like to highlight Hila's spectacularness.

Some things about Hila:

Her favorite toys are my wallet and my cell phone. I even tried giving her her own cell phone (my old one) and she'd have none of it. She wants my phone and no broken substitute.
Hila says dada constantly. And now she says di-da, which may be her version of daddy. We're not sure.
Hila can pull herself to standing if she's sitting in her crib facing the railing. It's so cute and she gets so excited.
Which brings me to the next thing--it's very easy to get Hila excited. She puts her hands together and bumps her torso up and down and squeals with delight.
Hila gags when we give her food. She's not actually choking on it. I think she's just being dramatic and proving a point: STOP JAMMING FOOD DOWN MY THROAT!
Hila makes friends wherever she goes. She's very popular.
Hila is well-mannered, patient, funny, sweet, and smart!The other day I read her two long Dr. Suess books and she sat so patiently listening.
According to The Baby Whisperer, Hila is a Spirited/Textbook baby, which to us, is the best type of baby there is. That means she's generally very easy to read and does what she's supposed to do, when she's supposed to do (Textbook), but she's got spunk and spirit along the way and likes to vocalize what she likes and dislikes what's expected of her (Spirited). And even though it means some stubbornness and sometimes lots of tears, it also means a lot of fun and excitement.

(And now I must get back to work since the pregnant woman next to me just came to my table and we just talked for like 1/2 hour

Happy Baby Hila: An Update

2009-08-25T09:18:00.003-04:00

Lots has happened in the last two months. Hila is growing so fast and is quickly developing a very strong and opinionated (and yet still very happy) personality. She smiles at people, music, her toys, and mostly, her beautiful reflection in the mirror. She laughs when things are funny--she seems to have a good sense of humor! And she stares at you blankly when she is tired or bored, until you stare at her back and then a huge smile erupts onto her face. Man, she's cute.

Here's another recent tidbit about Hila. Despite her extreme happiness, she has turned into quite the little screamer. You see, two weeks ago Hila decided that she is a big girl and does not need a pacifier anymore. Despite my constant begging for her to reconsider, she has firmly made up her mind on the issue and now lives a pacifier-free lifestyle.

I didn't realize how much the pacifier pacified her until now. When it's time to sleep, nothing calms her (except lots of screaming), especially if she's teething. Sometimes we're truly at a loss for what to do.

I have two theories about why she started rejecting the pacifier:
1. She had a bad teething week (still no teeth) just when she quit the pacifier, so maybe the pacifier was hurting her gums--though that doesn't really explain why she puts basically everything but the kitchen sink/pacifier into her mouth...

2. I've been pushing Hila to eat solids with a spoon since she was 4.5 months old. I tried almost daily shoveling food into a closed mouth until I decided we all needed a break around 5.5 months. We then started up again around the time that she started rejecting her pacifier. And now, whenever I offer her a spoonful of food, a pacifier, or a bottle when she's not hungry, she purses her lips in a very firm and defininitive manner, making her point very clear that she does not want me jamming anything into her mouth. I think because her food rejection was so strong, she began to distrust the fact that I was putting other things in her mouth without her asking for it. And so now she does not let me put a pacifier into her mouth--what if it's (*GASP*) food???

Hila's got strong likes and dislikes and is extremely vocal about them. She talks and sings all day long (unless she's screaming). And even when she is screaming, if you go into her room and pick her up, she gets a gigantic smile and starts bouncing up and down...sometimes I think she's just too excited and happy about life that she doesn't want to waste it sleeping.

Once she does scream herself to sleep, however, she's a good sleeper.

Hila Loves her Mommy (and vice versa)

2009-06-26T02:20:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I put Hila in her beloved exersaucer, sit down at my computer, and let us each play in our own worlds for a little while. She plays, sings, bangs around with the toys, and every so often, gets very, very quiet.

I look up to find her staring straight at her mama (me) with a huge grin on her face. I smile back and then get back to writing or reading or whatever it is I do to pass the time. But she's still quiet a few minutes later. I glance up, and she's still staring at me and grinning non-stop. How does that make me feel? So good.

You know what else makes me feel good? The fact that Hila now goes from 8pm-8am (and sometimes later) without being fed. She's still waking up every so often for a pacifier, but we're still so proud of her!

Now the only thing we need to work on is going to sleep before 3am.... Sounds easier than it is.

Sleeping in....

2009-06-18T07:27:00.002-04:00

Hila has made a mistake that I'll bet she's regretting...

She slept until 8:45-9:00am for a few days in a row.

If she thinks she can get away with waking up at 6:00 or 7:00 or even 8:00, she better think again.

Like this morning she woke up around 7:00 and made it pretty clear that she didn't want to go back to bed. But I wrapped her up tightly, gave her the pacifier, and stuck her in bed with us, and didn't hear back from her til almost 9:15! (Some of these mornings she's made it til 9:00 in her own bed, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to fight the whose-bed fight.)

Menachem and I usually go to bed around 1:30 or 2:00am, so while 7:00 or 8:00 may seem like normal wakeup times for you, they're still a bit early for us night owls.

P.S. We have successfully gotten rid of the 4:00am feed, but Hila still struggles to stay asleep in those early morning hours and calls out for her pacifier at least 2-3 times (down from 4-5 times). Things are looking up. Good job, Hila!

Hila went 8.5 hours between feeds!!

2009-06-11T01:46:00.003-04:00

(That is, at night. We wouldn't encourage that otherwise.)

I woke up this morning so proud of Hila that I forgot that I wasn't feeling well. (I'm actually not feeling great, now that I've remembered, but I do feel a lot better than the last few days.) Anyways, Hila.

We decided that the pacifier was our problem. She didn't need food anymore at 4am, but she needed her pacifier. And not just at 4am, but many, many times between 3am and 7am when she finally "woke up" from a not very deep sleep of the last four hours.

Last night I gave her paci as usual. 8pm and she was asleep. 9:30 she cried (sort or as usual) and I didn't go in. She cried for 10 minutes and fell back asleep. At 12:30am I gave her a dreamfeed (she was still asleep). We went to bed at 1:30. At 4:45 (so late!!) she cried. I let her cry for 15 minutes before giving in and giving her the pacifier. I think maybe I heard her once for a second at around 6, but I ignored it.

Now here's the amazing part. I woke up to hear her playing in her crib, not at 7. Not at 7:30. Not even at 8. BUT AT 8:45!! Of course now her 8-12-4-8-12 feeding schedule is off. BUT WHO CARES?!

I also cheated and put rice cereal in her midnight bottle. I know it's not recommended to do that. But guess who will keep doing that until we get rid of that feed? This (somewhat) well-rested mama!

Hooray for Hila!

Sick Mom / Healthy Baby

2009-06-08T15:13:00.004-04:00

I don't usually believe in jinxes, but this is just too big of a coincidence. I wrote that post about looking up cold symptoms TOTALLY HYPOTHETICALLY. I did not, at the time, exhibit any of those symptoms.

Then, a few days ago, I felt like someone punched me in the nose. I'm assuming that it was my squirmy, jolty, four month old (a.k.a Hila Z.) who punches me and kicks me all the time all over. I don't remember it happening, but whatever. My nose kills.

Then this morning my achy, swollen nose started running a bit. Okay, fine. It hurts to blow a nose that feels broken.

And now, I feel like I have the flu. I'm all achy and stuffy. My gums itch like mad (do you get that too?) and I have a slight fever.

And the ironic thing, is that I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and I was whining to him about so many other things that I decided not to mention my broken runny nose.

On a happier note, Hila had an appointment today too (we see the doc together) and she is doing great! She weighs 6.73 kg (that's almost 15 lbs!) and does all the tricks she's supposed to do. He was very impressed with her cheerfulness and her ability to stand up (with a little help). He said she may start to crawl soon!

We're still working on getting her to sleep through the night. She's back in her crib for the whole night (!!!) and sleeps usually from 8pm to 7am. In that time, however, she cries for her pacifier about five times and wakes up to eat around midnight and around 4am. Sometimes it's hard to put her back to bed at 4am.

Sorry I didn't warn you, Hila Bila, but tonight we're getting rid of the 4am feed. We got it down from 120ml to 90ml to 60ml and then to 30ml. And tonight is the big night when we give her 0ml.

You'll do fine, Hila -- you're such a big girl! And mommy needs her sleep!

Google Diagnosis

2009-06-03T16:31:00.003-04:00

I'm surprised that Google doesn't have a feature where you plug in your symptoms and it gives you a diagnosis.

(type) Symptoms runny nose, chills, achiness
(enter)

"You have a cold."

Still Waiting for the Big Sleep

2009-05-20T15:57:00.006-04:00

I made a mistake. It's not irreversible, but it's going to take work to undo it and I'm not looking forward to it.

When Menachem was in miluim, Hila slept in my bed with me every night. It was at the height of my breastfeeding (which has now come to an abrupt end -- another story for another time), I missed Menachem, we were at my parents' and their porta-crib is annoying, and it just made sense to cuddle up with my baby.

Now, a week has passed since we've been back home and Hila refuses to sleep in her crib. Sometimes (if we're lucky) she'll fall asleep in it, but only for a few hours. And then she'll wake up crying and will not let me leave her alone.

When we do try and leave her room she reaches out for us and looks at us pleadingly not to leave her in her crib. And then she cries. So...I take her out and plop her back into bed with us. And Menachem and I don't sleep so well when she's in bed with us.

Maybe there was a night or two where we convinced her to stay in her room, but it wasn't with her -- then regular, now not -- long stretches of sleep, easy feeds, and easy drifting right back to sleep.

And that's another thing. Hila has been so easy overall, that I thought that by now we'd be sleeping through the night. But she still wakes up every 3,4, or 5 hours to eat. (About a month ago she was sleeping 6,7, or 8 hours at a time and then plus more after a feed -- but not anymore.)

And while Meanchem or my mom (when she's around) both have offered to take night feeds, I end up waking up anyways (Menachem never hears her) and stay awake until I know that she's back asleep. So what's the point of having a third person wake up? I may as well just feed her myself. (And as of last week I was nursing her for every feed anyways, so I wouldn't let anyone else feed her.)

We're not in favor of co-sleeping, but what do you do if your baby insists on it? We need to toughen up, right?

(P.S. While I was nursing I never felt like Hila was getting enough food during the day alone and now that I'm not nursing, Hila is all of a sudden rejecting bottles after only half a feed (and not making up for it later). So only when I know that she's eating enough during the day, will I then be ready to push her to sleep through the night. But for now, I think she still needs those night time calories.)

Hila is cute

2009-04-30T09:54:00.003-04:00

I'm holding a mirror in front oh Hila and she is smiling and laughing at the new friend she's just made! This may possibly be the cutest she's ever been. Maybe she's so happy because she finally sees how adorable and perfect she is. She finally gets why we're crazy about her.

Do you think she really thinks that its another person?

NOTE: She is going crazy! She is laughing and talking and sqealing and kicking. For a long time! I'd get the camera but I need to keep holding the mirror (I'm typing with one hand...a skill I've gotten to be extremely good at!). And the camera needs to be charged. But I do wish I could capture this....

Get ready for a really boring post...

2009-04-30T09:38:00.002-04:00

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was thinking about very important things. Like if I could think of a fruit or vegetable for every letter of the alphabet. In some ways I did extremely well (like Duriun for D) and in some ways I was just stumped (like N???).

So here is my list. This is without the help of anyone or Google or anything. There are a few gaps in there.

A - apple
B - bananas
C - carrots
D - durian
E - eggplant
F - figs
G - grapes
H - horseradish
I - iceberg lettuce
J - jackfruit
K - kale
L - lemons
M - mango
N - I keep thinking noodles. But that doesn't count. Neither do nuts.
O - onions
P - pears
Q - quince
R - radish
S - strawberries
T - tomatoes (that took me a long time!)
U -
V -
W - watermelon
X -
Y - yucca (I think people eat that)
Z - zucchini

P has a lot: peppers, pineapple, passion fruit, papaya

Told you this would be boring.

Having a good day

2009-04-23T10:23:00.002-04:00

That subject is not meant to imply that there's anything strange about me having a good day. I generally have good days, but today has been exceptionally good.

Hila woke up in her regular sunshiney mood. She is a morning person, but not too early a morning person, generally waking up around 9 or 10, which is nice for her mommy and daddy. We had a fun morning, watched 24, ate a healthy breakfast, played a little, Hila napped -- the usual.

Then Menachem went to work and Hila and I hung out some more. When I saw she was ready for her next nap, I wrapped her up in my cozywrap and walked up to Palmach. I did some grocery shopping at Mr. Z and then went to get a cafe kar dal shuman im ktzat sucar loh katush (but then I said "not blended" in English because I wasn't sure of that last part) at Duvshanit. I sat outside and read an article about press releases while Hila slept like a little angel wrapped up close to me.

Then Tiff called and we'd been playing phone tag for a while so that was nice. Then I went home in time to feed a waking Hila. And then I convinced Menachem that we desperately need this Sit'n'Stroll 5-n-1 Combination Carseat/Stroller that I saw on Janglo. And it looks like Hila is taking another nap in her swing.

Life's good here in the 'lem.

To nurse or not to nurse...that is the question.

2009-04-09T17:38:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the latest edition of adventures in breastfeeding staring me and Hila! Yes, there are still adventures to be told. After a one month and then six weeks and then two months and then Pesach deadlines, I am still breastfeeding. Every day feels like it may be my last and then I wake up the next day (or in the middle of the night) feeling full of milk (relatively speaking), reenergized, and I can't imagine quitting.

We are still supplementing with formula, but with a lot less than the last time I wrote. Back then I was mainly giving her formula and supplementing with little sips of breastmilk here and there; now, while it's still mostly formula, it is much closer to 50/50. Before every bottle Hila nurses from both sides for about 10-30 minutes, depending on my milk supply and depending on Hila's mood. I make her, as Leah once suggested, "sing for her supper." After she nurses, she gets a bottle -- sometimes she takes a full bottle and sometimes she takes 1/2 or a 1/4 or even less. Now, in general I do not support the parenting tactic of rewarding food with more food (or rewarding anything with food), but I'll let that slide for now. I like to consider my breastfeeding as a hearty appetizer to her main course.

The good news? I did finally stop pumping (I just couldn't take it anymore) and I have not seen a drop in my milk supply. I used to dread the pump and sometimes it would truly ruin my day. I am much happier now. I also weened myself from the silicone nipple!

Sometimes it gets really frustrating. Hila is not the most patient of eaters. When she realizes she is hungry, I better be there for her, breast in mouth waiting. If I miss that small window of opportunity, then she will scream and scream, refuse to nurse, and not stop crying til she gets the bottle. I try and try and get really frustrated until I accept that it is just not meant to be during this feed.

I am trying to look at breastfeeding as something fun and enjoyable and extra. I am trying to chill out and not get upset when we have a bad session. Things have really turned around for the better and I am trying to focus on that. I have worked hard and am ready to sit back, relax, and enjoy feeding my baby -- whether by bottle or breast.

And who knows...maybe tomorrow will be my last day. I have a feeling it won't, but if it is, then I'll be okay with that too.

Words that Rhyme with Hila

2009-04-01T06:59:00.002-04:00

(off rhymes allowed)

Tequila
Tortilla
Mamila (mall in J'lem)
Tefilah
Mama Mia!

Tequila is the best. (Not the best drink, but the best rhyme). Oh man, I see her high school / college years already...

Getting fat

2009-03-24T15:08:00.002-04:00

Isn't it ironic that I'm working so hard to fatten up this little person who (if she has my genes anyways) will spend her entire life trying to slim down? Seems unfair doesn't it?

But since gaining weight is a good thing for babies, I am proud to say that Hila has gained a total of 1.6kg (or 3.5lbs) during her two months of life outside the womb. And the good news is...it's not all formula fat! Breastfeeding, still being the biggest challenge I've ever faced, is becoming easier and easier every day.

That's not to say that Hila is now formula-free. Far from it. (That's not even my goal.) But after taking motilium, pumping like mad, and losing the silicone nipple, I now have enough milk (usually) to give Hila a nice breastmilk breakfast and a few little snacks through the afternoon!

One month has turned into six weeks which turned into two months. Now I'll try and make it til Pesach.

My little girl is growing up!

2009-03-16T05:09:00.002-04:00

Here are some milestones that Hila has reached by today, the beginning of her 8th week of life:
1. She rolled over from her stomach to her back three times.
2. Last night we put her in her crib, patted her to sleep, and when she woke up ten minutes later, put herself back to sleep in 6 minutes.
3. She re-learned how to latch on sans silicone (still not entirely correct and pain-free, but a latch nonetheless) and is started to breastfeed more and more every day.
4. She can sit and entertain herself in her swing, bouncer, or play mat for a good 1/2 hour, looking around, smiling, and being fully engaged by what she sees.

She'll probably start walking and talking any day now at the rate she's going.

Hila's Arms

2009-02-25T11:08:00.002-05:00

I've been doing a lot of staring and studying of my baby's both awake and asleep behavior and actions. Here are some things that I've noticed about Hila's arms:

- When she's eating she makes little fists with her hands, sticks out her pointer fingers and brings her arms over her head, as if to say, "You are number one, mom!"

- Sometimes she does this with two fingers out, as if to say, "Just the two of us, you and me, mom."

- Sometimes she puts out three finger, "And daddy, too."

- When Hila is napping, her hands go angelically under her chin or one arm goes over her head and one arm stays under her chin or to her side. There is always a lot of flailing in the naptime phase.

- When she is sleeping a deep sleep in her crib, both of her arms rest over her head on the mattress surface -- "I surrender to sleep!"

- Sometimes she jolts awake for a moment (or longer) and her arms shoot up into the air. "AH! Why am I sleeping?? I should be conducting an orchestra!"

The best part of Hila's arms, though, are her hands, which are perfection. She has long, graceful fingers, that are not at all like my short, stubby digits. My mother says that they remind her of her mother's hands -- Hila's namesake -- how appropriate!

Advice for New Mothers

2009-02-23T13:15:00.002-05:00

I was recently having a gchat conversation with Talia, a fellow new mother who has about four months more experience than I do. While venting about how much more difficult infant-raising was than I had expected, Talia gave the following advice:

1. You are allowed to want to throw the baby out the window.
2. Do NOT throw the baby out the window.
3. Your husband, in-laws, and parents all want to hold her too. Let them.
4. It's tough but try to get alone time once a day.
5. Don't worry about fitting into your clothes.
6. Talk to your friends for tips and advice; then you won't feel like you are the only one dealing with baby issues.

So there are six tips...feel free to add your more!

The Nursing Saga Continues

2009-02-15T11:26:00.003-05:00

Things are getting better, but are still not perfect.

Breastfeeding is becoming an expensive ordeal. I've become a regular at my lactation consultant (100 shekels a pop), the tongue snipping wasn't cheap, nursing bras are expensive (I went up another cup size!), and we still need to buy formula which we're still having to give Hila at every feed.

Nipples are still a bit sore, but thanks to silicone nipples, they feel a MILLION times (at least) better.

I'm pumping about four or five times a day to help increase my milk supply. And I'm taking fenugreek supplements which are supposed to also help. And I'm really starting to see an increase!

I nurse Hila maybe three times a day, but sometimes she just sits there to humor me, waiting for me to finish so she can get her bottle. She spends half the time sitting quietly and half the time thrashing around -- again, thank goodness for silicone. My goal is to partially reverse wean her from the bottles, to breastfeed her (with no supplement) a few times a day and to rely on bottles for middle of the night feeds and outings.

The tongue snipping was a partial success. It hurts a lot less when she latches on, though I also switched to the silicone nipples, so who knows if the snipping would've made a difference with those. My lactation consultant says her tongue is still a little tight and she could use another snip, but I say enough is enough. There's only so much mutilation I can allow.

I'm feeling less discouraged, maybe even hopeful. More than that though, I've come to terms with the fact that breastfeeding just may not work out this time around. I'm going to try for a few more weeks and I'm going to try and stay positive.

Thank you all for your suggestions, support, and encouragement. I'll keep you posted!

P.S. The good news is that Hila is definitely gaining weight. She's really filling out and is looking a lot less scrawny. We'll do an officially weigh-in on Tuesday.

Tongue Tied

2009-02-08T11:58:00.002-05:00

If you've spoken to me or written to me or heard anything about me in the last few days, you're likely to know about my sore nipples. People have been saying that all you need is a good latch, but what do you do when it is physically impossible for your baby to "get a good latch"? Since day one I've been struggling to get Hila to latch on properly, but even when it looks like she's got it good, it still kills. My nipples have gotten no chance to heal and just keep getting more and more and more irritated.

A few visits to the lactation consultant later, we learn that Hila is tongue tied. This is a real thing! It means that her frenulum is tight so she is unable to fully raise her tongue to the roof of her mouth, making it difficult, if not impossible, to get an effective suck. (The frenulum is that string-like tissue that connects the tongue to the bottom of the mouth.) Don't get me wrong -- this girl can suck strong...just not effectively and not widely, which means that all of the action is on my nipple and not enough on the area around it.

Another result of this, other than severe pain, is that my milk supply is suffering. Milk supply is stimulated through the areola, not the nipple, and since Hila is barely getting to that, my milk ducts are barely being stimulated. Thus I have been relying heavily on pumping (which also kills) to help stimulate my areolas and increase my milk supply.

Another result of Hila's tight frenulum and my sore nipples is that Hila is not gaining enough weight. This is the most upsetting part of the story. We have been advised by both our doctor and lactation consultant to supplement her diet with formula, which was actually a huge relief becuase it gives me a little nipple break and coming from them (and not me) makes me feel less guilty.

The good news: Tomorrow we are going to get Hila's frenulum snipped. A quick cut under her tongue will loosen her frenulum and help release her tongue, making it easier for her to eat and less painful for me. She will also be getting that string like thing that connects the top lip to the gum line snipped (don't know what it's called) so that her top lip has more room to more as well. (Coincidentally (or maybe I should say genetically, I had this procedure done many years ago to help tighten the gap between my two front teeth.) I've got all my eggs in this basket -- if the situation does not drastically improve, then it could be that breastfeeding is just not for us, which is upsetting, but at least now I know that it's not my fault and it may not even be what's best.

Wish us luck for tomorrow!

Welcome to the World, Hila Zehava!

2009-02-03T10:19:00.004-05:00

After much planning and anticipation of a masculine addition to our family, little Hila Zehava made her very feminine appearance one week ago on our (now shared) birthday of January 26. Here is our birth story...

I started a few days earlier with some period-like cramps. Wow, I thought, if these are contractions, than I can totally handle these -- they barely even hurt! At 6:30am, though, on Monday, January 26, those cramps got a little stronger. And then a little stronger. And then a little stronger. And before I knew it, I was in the hospital, screaming my brains out, beggin for an epidural. I felt like I was in a movie.

About eight hours later, I got that blessed epidural and the painful and traumatic labor experience went from unbearable to absolutely blissful. I took a little nap, chatted with Joanie, our amazing doula, ate a bit, and just chilled, with a warm flush of numbness flowing through my body.

A few hours later, after they had broken my water with a wooden stick (seriously) and given me a bit of pitocin to speed things up, a midwife came in, looked at the monitor, ran out, and quickly reentered with a staff of 5 or 6 doctors, nurses, and midwives. What I heard was "blah blah hebrew hebrew". What I saw was a look of panic on their faces as they pulled my legs up and apart, told me to hold my knees, and told me to push. I got the translated update -- our baby's heart rate was quickly dropping and if I didn't push her out in five minutes, they'd have to cut me open and take her out themselves.

They sent Menachem out of the room because of the emergency nature of the situation and told me to push again, harder this time. But...I still had the epidural and couldn't feel a thing. How can I push if I couldn't feel any of my pushing muscles? Apparently I didn't have a choice. And then, soley through the power of the mind, I visualized what I thought pushing would look like and feel like, and I pushed and pushed and pushed that baby out like there was no tomorrow.

My panicked cries of "Is my baby ok? Is my baby ok?" immediately switched to a relieved and overjoyed "My baby is ok! My baby is ok!" Menachem was back in the room by the time they threw that little girl on top of me and assured me that she was perfect.

It's a girl! "What?" we said. And my first thought, I kid you not, after of course the flood of relief and love that I felt, was "oh man, Menachem is going to have to exchange all that blue stuff for pink." (And he did.)

I delivered the placenta with no problems (it looks like a lung on a string) and then they sewed me up where they had cut me and where I'd torn -- and I didn't feel a thing.

And now one week later we're all adjusting to life with a newborn. It's tiring, at times frustrating, at times extremely painful (recovering from the stitches and dealing with sore nipples -- see my other blog about that), but always filled with wonder and amazement about the presence of this miraculous, beautiful, little baby girl.

Hila Zehava is named after my mother's mother, Gloria Goldie. Hila is Hebrew from praise/glory, and Zehava means gold.

And we love her. And you'll love her too when you get to meet her!

Happy belated Bowelversary to me!

2009-01-21T16:21:00.002-05:00

I don't believe yesterday came and went and I didn't think about my bowels once. (Clearly I have other things on my mind.)

Here is to me -- for survival, acceptance, and digestive health!

And here is to you -- for friendship, love, and caring that you've all provided for me over the years, bowel and non-bowel related!

It's been seven years, do you believe it?

Early/Late

2009-01-20T12:39:00.002-05:00

I made the psychological mistake of assuming that this baby would be early. (After all, I was three weeks early myself...doesn't that count for anything??) So now, with still one and a half weeks to go before even hitting the due date, I feel like I'm late.

38 weeks tomorrow!

2009-01-14T15:53:00.003-05:00

Focusing on work is even harder than usual (if you can imagine that). Sometimes I just stare into space and think, "I wonder if it'll be now. Or now. Or now." I waste so much time just sitting around and waiting. And yet I haven't shown any signs of labor and still suspect that I'll probably be late. I'm just bored.

The baby should come at the right time. Hopefully that right time is today. Maybe now. Or now. Or now. Nope. Nothing.

Pregnant dish washing is hard!

2009-01-13T15:19:00.004-05:00

Tonight I decided to give Menachem a break and do some dishes. He just started a very demanding job and gets home very late (and I love him and wanted to surprise him), I just kicked out Rachel (my other dish washer) since I plan on laboring in private and that could be any day, and I just spent the whole day reading in bed, only doing a bit of work here and there. It only seemed fair that I chip in and do some dish washing myself.

I did about six dishes before I quit. Here's why it's hard to do dishes while you're pregnant:

First of all standing in one place for an extended period of time without moving is tiring.

Second, and more crucial, is the fact that I don't fit properly in front of the sink. See, you probably don't realize how close you stand to the sink while you're doing dishes, but when you've got a foot long belly, you can no longer stand in that optimal location. Instead, you have to stand a foot back and reach further into the sink. And I have short arms, so the reach ends up forcing me to hunch my shoulders and curve my spine and it's THAT that makes me stop before finishing the batch.

And no, I can't just stand closer and squish my stomach into the counter because a) that hurts a lot and b) I end up getting soaked.

So, sorry Menachem, the sink is still filled with dishes.

Forced Nesting

2009-01-08T12:53:00.004-05:00

I've heard about this "nesting" phenomenon--Pregnant women nearing their due dates feel the need to do intense cleaning and organizing, to get their lives and their homes in order before the baby comes.--and I'm afraid I'm going about it all wrong.

Oh, the instinct to clean and organize I've got, but the surge of energy that supposedly goes along with it...well that I've yet to see.

The result? I'm taking my nesting instinct out on Menachem. I'm seeing things that NEED to get done RIGHT NOW, but...I don't want to do them...but they NEED to get done... Menachem?
I
From cleaning out the little room (ok that really does need to get done) to cleaning the ceiling fans in every room, to hanging our curtain rod, to filing, putting away clutter, organizing all our books, going through clothing...the list is endless.

And I feel bad because I'M the one who wants all these things done...I just don't want to be the one to do them. I'm as fat as a house and barely have energy to lift myself off the couch to go pee--how am I expected to clean our ceiling fans?

In other news, I just ate almost a whole pint of B&J and am feeling (emotionally) pretty bad. (Physically I feel fine.)

Sometimes I eat too much and then my stomach hurts and I think I must be going into labor. But really it's just because I've jam packed food into a space that looks like it holds a lot more than it actually does.

Wow, I'm starting to feel that ice cream settle into my stomach. I feel really sick. I should not be left alone with a pint of ice cream.

Getting Huge

2009-01-04T09:58:00.002-05:00

It's like it just happened over night. I notice that there are very clear growth spurts, but this one is by far the biggest. All of a sudden I'm gigantic. I feel like a beached whale (maybe an overused analogy, but now I understand why). Just moving takes effort. Sleeping is getting difficult. Turning over raises my heart rate and leaves me breathless. Stairs? Like running a marathon (which I've never done, but I can imagine). Next pregnancy, I'm putting in an elevator and getting a car. And moving to a place where there are fewer hills. Maybe for my future ninth months of pregnancy (poo poo poo) I'll relocate to Kansas.

So not only do I feel like I'm about to pop, I look like it too, apparently. Last night we were getting into a cab. I was getting in the front seat (it's easier), with a moan and groan (all exertion demands a grunt), and the cab driver took one look at me and said "Shaarei Tzedek?" (our local hospital).

Man I got so excited! I almost said yes! I don't know why, but I felt like he had just given me the biggest compliment EVER. We told him we still had three more weeks, and I walked around with a huge smile all night (until we got home and I had to walk up all those stairs).

All that being said, the truth is, is that I don't really feel like I'm about to pop. I actually feel like this baby is going to come a little late. Yes, I'm getting uncomfortable. Yes, I'm excited and ready to have this baby. Yes, I'm getting a little tired of being pregnant. But it seems to me that when women do finally give birth, it's because their bodies really are done and just can't carry the baby anymore. And I don't feel that way. Moaning and groaning aside, I haven't had any contractions; I don't feel like I'm going to tip over; for the most part, during most of the day, I feel fine.

My due date is January 30. I'm predicting a February 1st arrival. Menachem predicts January 26 (my birthday).

I'll keep you posted...

36 weeks and a Cake Guard

2009-01-02T03:50:00.007-05:00

I was just looking at engagement pictures of Tiff and Mordy (mazel tov!!!!) and there's a picture of them blowing out candles on their Happy Engagement cake. And a thought occurred to me: What if one of them has a cold? (I had a horrible cold/cough all week so it's on my mind.) Would I want to eat a cake after someone with yucky germs sprayed their breath all over it? How come I've never heard any concern about this? It's sad to think that probably in the next few years (if not sooner), as the hygiene/germ craze gets stronger, the tradition of blowing out candles on a cake will probably disappear. I mean, if I'VE thought of it, then I'm sure hyperly sensitive moms of allergy-ridden three-year olds have thought of it too.

Fortunately, Cake Guard Industries to the rescue and make a ridiculous product to protect cakes from germs. Cake Guard Industries assures its customers that "saliva and germs no longer need to be a part of the celebration by using CakeGuard at your next celebration." Hurrah!

Meanwhile, in unrelated pregnancy news, I've hit the 36 week mark and I've hit my due date month -- our baby could be born any day now! (though preferably in a week or two or three--when s/he's good and ready.) I've taken out the hospital bag and plan on packing it up today and I'm starting to drink nettle and raspberry leaf tea which are supposed to stimulate blood flow to the uterus which will help during labor.

Moving around is getting harder. It takes me about double the time to walk to places which used to be easy walks and I've definitely been taking more cabs. I avoid going certain places (down) because it means a dreaded walk home (up).

Otherwise, things are great! Tiff's engagement made my day -- a trip to America is finally in sight (sometime this summer)! (And we love Tiff and are so happy for her!)

Shabbat Shalom!

It's a.....boy!...maybe...

2008-12-28T16:00:00.002-05:00

I keep chuckling to myself over here. We're so sure that it's a boy (without any scientific or empirical evidence whatsoever) that we went shopping the other day and bought everything blue.

We went to this great store in Talpiot called Motzitzim and bought a whole package deal: crib, dresser/changing table, bath, some clothes, pacifiers, cotton balls, thermometer, and like 20 other baby odds and ends. It's all in a box on hold at the store until the baby is born and Menachem goes to collect it. If it's a boy, then all the stuff stays as is--the blue sheets, the blue changing pad, the blue diaper bag, etc.--but if it's a girl, Menachem will have a job ahead of him of switching everything to pink.

I read recently that babies don't really look so good in yellow and green, so rather than opt for neutral colors, we figured we'd gamble.

Don't get me wrong -- if it's a girl, we'll be thrilled...and surprised.

Life in the 8th month

2008-12-20T16:45:00.004-05:00

Just some updates:
1) We went on a fantastic pre-baby vacation to Eilat. Apparently pregnant women are not allowed to swim with dolphins.
2) The other day I experienced the baby's first kick that actually startled me. It was fun.
3) Our most recent ultrasound picture revealed what still looks like a boy. But we still don't know for sure.
4) I ate my first sufganiya of the season and it was kinda dry. I'm looking forward to more this week.
5) I went to yoga TWICE last week.
6) My face is getting sorta fat.
7) I still love how the bigger my belly gets the smaller my butt looks (it's just an illusion though because my butt has actually gotten bigger too).
8) I finally finished reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- exactly one month from Menachem's birthday. (It was a birthday present to him that I would read it.)
9) I started eating sugar cereals again, which is not good.
10) I started a new blog www.babythingsiwant.com and you should check it out!

Hellooooo sweet tooth!

2008-12-02T07:15:00.002-05:00

This is not good. I feel like I've been pretty healthy through this pregnancy. Then, a few weeks ago, I saw that a few weeks went by during which I didn't gain any weight, so I started eating junk. Lo and behold, the weight caught up with me and now I'm in a junk food rut. All I want are cookies and brownies and milkshakes. A few weeks ago I had this AMAZING chai milkshake at Tmol Shilshom. I keep dreaming of that. And I'm just itching to go into the kitchen and make myself a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Fortunately, laziness has stopped me from doing that for the last few days, but now the urge is stronger than my laziness. I don't just want them, I NEED them. NEEEEEED.

Meanwhile, all last week I thought I was in my 32nd week, but I miscounted and was only in my 31st, so THIS Wednesday will be 32 weeks -- only two months to go! It is now December and I'm giving birth in January (unless the baby is 2 days late, and then February)!

We're going on a final we-don't-have-kids-so-we-can-be-irresponsible-and-drop-everything mini vacation next week to Eilat. We already booked a hotel and I just made a list of things I want to do: snorkel in the coral reef, snorkel with the dolphins, go to the underwater observatory, and just relax by the pool and beach.

I'll tell you all about it when we get back. For now, I'm going to make some cookies.

The Misplaced Placenta

2008-11-11T07:21:00.002-05:00

As you know, I've been worried about the presence of kicks and movements of our baby. I know you're not supposed to compare to other people, but it really seemed like everyone I spoke to and everything I read suggested that I should be feeling the baby A LOT more than I have been.

Now, I'm a little annoyed that no ultrasound technician and no doctor had mentioned this (following reason why) to me. It was only last week that our birthing teacher suggested it and then I looked at my ultrasound scan and confirmed it -- my placenta is not behind the baby, but in front of it. This means that everytime the baby kicks, it kicks the placenta, NOT my belly. This causes a muffler affect causing me to feel the movements a lot less and a lot weaker than the average woman with the averagely placed posterior placenta. (There are no risk factors to an anterior placenta.)

PHEW. How come no one told me this before? It would have saved some anxiety.

Tomorrow is 29 weeks. That's almost 30 and 30 is almost 40. I'm so excited! As though working wasn't hard enough before, now I have my mind constantly drifting to the glorious future, of holding and cuddling our new baby, losing weight, and eating raw cookie dough.

Fitting in places

2008-11-02T08:54:00.002-05:00

This is a bit disconcerting. I'm not THAT big. I'm at Tal Bagels and I only JUST fit into one of their chairs. There are three types of seating here at Tal's. Regular chairs with no armrests, booths, and these rounded swivel chairs, and it is into that last type that I am just barely fitting in. It's sort of comfortable. Very snug. But strange that all of a sudden I'm so big that I don't have room between my butt and my chair. There are other instances of this, when I realize all of a sudden how large I've gotten. Like I'll see a chair sort of close to a wall and think I can just slide behind the chair...and can't. Or the door to the mirpeset sherut will be blocked partially by the bathroom rug, but I'll think I can squeeze in through the crack to see if the clothes are dry...and I can't. I guess, to sum up, I can no longer squeeze into tight places. There are worse things.

A terrorist and a pregnant woman walk into a cab...

2008-10-27T17:37:00.004-04:00

Did I ever tell you about the time this terrorist got into our cab? We were on our way home and were stopped at a light on the corner of Herzog and Tchernichovsky and a guy hailed a cab and our cab driver let him in. He sat in the front seat and after closing the door, there was a knock on his window. It was cop who starting questioning this young, hippie looking guy, and then asked him to get out of the car and go with him. Meanwhile, it was all in very fast Hebrew and I missed the whole thing, but our cab driver caught it all and said that the cops had seen this guy running around outside the prime minister's house and suspected him of terrorism. He looked harmless to me. Looked like a post-army, just back from India, probably had lots of weed in his bag sorta guy. It must suck to get wrongly pulled over for terrorism and then have the cops find illegal drugs on you. Poor guy.

And now, some things I like about being pregnant:
1. You're allowed to be fat.
2. Breasts. My breasts now have a top, bottom, and inbetween. Like when I get out of the shower, I actually need to dry myself in the creases. This is a new phenomemon.
3. You can be tired and lazy and people assume it's because you're pregnant.
4. People do things for you.
5. You're allowed to be fat (did i say that?)

Third trimester here I come!

I'm obsessed...

2008-10-07T10:37:00.003-04:00

...with this ultrasound picture. It's of our baby's face. It's so clear, like someone took the baby out for a minute to photograph it and then stuck it back in. It's so clear that I feel like I'm doing something philosophically or morally wrong. Are we supposed to get to know our babies this well before they're born? Are we supposed to get this attached? Are we supposed to look at their pictures and imagine what their thinking before they're even born? I've stopped short of posting the pictures on facebook or putting it up as my desktop background, but I have sent it around to a bunch of friends and to family. As though to say, "Introducing Baby Gold Pritzker!" But...isn't it a little early for introductions?

And now I'm really feeling the baby kicking. So not only do I feel it, but I've seen it. I can feel it kicking and look at the picture on my computer screen, and all of a sudden--where's the mystery? It's so suddenly UNOBSCURE and UN-ABSTRACT.

Is that how it's supposed to be?

In other news, I was waiting for a bus the other day and an old man sat down next to me and started speaking to me in Spanish. Now, I don't speak a word of Spanish, and I was about to tell him so, but didn't really have the heart to, so I heard him out. And strangely enough, I understood him. Here's what he said:

"You have such lovely white skin. It's good that you don't sit out in the sun. Then you'd have dark, splotchy skin like mine."

Or maybe it was:
"Damn, girl! You are so pasty white. You need to get yourself out in the sun more so you can get a nice tan like I have."

I heard these words: Blanco, negro, sol. And he was pointing to my white leg and then to his dark, splotchy leg. Before he ran for his bus, I said, "Blanco bueno?" and he said "Si" and gave me a thumbs up. And then he said (in Spanish) that he is an astrologer from Buenos Aires, but has been in Israel for seven years. And then I told him (in Spanish) that I was in Buenos Aires for four months. (Which isn't quite true, but I was all flustered from speaking and understanding a language that I've never spoken or understood.)

So that was a strange encounter.

We think we're having a boy. It just really looks like a boy. Tiffany said we're probably having a girl because everyone else is having boys, but I think that logic doesn't really make sense. I also think that the quick flash of what looked like a little penis on the ultrasound screen is a pretty good sign. Obviously we'd be happy with either one, but we have such beautiful girls' names picked out, and boys names are just tougher.

Happy Yom Kippur to you all! May we all be signed and sealed in the book of life!

Jerusalem nIghts and Richmond reminiscing

2008-09-24T03:59:00.003-04:00

Halleluyah! The skies are beginning to cloud over a bit and it's not as sunshiny bright as it's been all summer! Days are still hot, but last night I was...get this...COLD. And now the windows are open and breeze is coming into the living room and maybe, just maybe, we can stop relying on the expensive a/c and save a buck.

Happy week 22! (or is it week 23? I'm starting to lose count.) I'm feeling better than ever and I think I'm even feeling the baby move a bit, which is good since today was my deadline before panic. Everything online says that I should feel the baby between weeks 16 and 22, and here I am, thinking I'm an early bird, expecting to feel it by week 15, and so, as luck would have it, I don't feel it until i'm toeing the line into week 23. And I guess I'm still not 100% certain that it's the baby I'm feeling. I don't really know what a kicking baby feels like.

Otherwise, life is moving along swimmingly. Last week was Molly and Mike's wedding which was so much fun. and then we had a Richmond sheva brachot which was even more fun. I love seeing old Richmond people. I was trying to explain to Menachem why hanging out with Richmond people makes me so giddy, and the only explanation I could come up with that really pinpointed it was how they remind me of my idyllic childhood. I think I outgrew Richmond by the time I was 15 or so, but those elementary school years were pretty sweet. And all these old friends were a part of that. Before I knew of world suffering, disease, twisted bowels, heartbreak, stress, starving children in Africa, and evil. Not that knowing those things hasn't made my life more rich and valuable, but there is still something to be said for life pre-knowledge. Like Adam and Eve before the fall. Paradise.

Is it possible to still raise children in that sort of world? Is it possible in Israel, or in Jerusalem, more specifically, to raise kids in an evil-less world? Where terror attacks and talk of war is a regular concern? But then again, isn't it sort of like that in America now too? Remember when all we were taught was 'don't talk to strangers'? And now there are sessions taught to kindergarteners about sexual abuse?

I do have a great talent of blocking things out. Maybe I remember things better than they were.

On another subject, I'm still playing tennis and doing some pottery, though both might come to an end soon, pregant-wise and money-wise, respectively. My pottery teacher said I looked "light". I thought she meant pale, but she said she means "light", like not heavy, but I'm not sure if she was talking about body weight. (Though I am still right on target for weight gain!). It was a peculiar compliment.

If we don't speak before Monday night, shana tova! May you have a happy, sweet new year, filled with peace and blessings!

Half way there...and feeling great!

2008-09-15T15:14:00.003-04:00

It's strange. You think you're always going to feel nauseous and weak and exhausted and then soon you forget that you ever felt that way. First you think, "I'm NEVER going to do this again." And then pretty soon your bad memories fade and the thought, "Maybe we'll have our second one right away" pops into your mind. Though, I imagine the third trimester and labor might make that one take a turn for the worse.

Project: Clean out the little room. Make room for baby.
Goal: Clear out the little room without simply transferring all the stuff from little room into Shira's room. Also, clear out Shira's room. Make room for Shira.
Dates: Now until January, preferably early January.

Is that enough time? Today I started by emptying a drawer filled with papers. But now there is a bigger mess. We have too much stuff. Where do you keep little locks (like from an old locker)? Where do you keep listerene strips (is there an expiration date)? Where should I keep my purses? When should you throw out magazines? Should American change go in the tzedakah box with the Israeli change? What do you do with old course work that one day you may just need to refer to?

How do I declutter without feeling like I need to move in order to start fresh?

Yours truly, Sarah

Still waiting for a kick...

2008-08-30T23:32:00.000-04:00

I thought: If most first time pregnant women feel their baby move at 18-22 weeks, then I will definitely feel it earlier. After all, I am sooo much more in touch with the goings on of my body than the average woman is. And now, here I am at 18 weeks, 3 days, and still nothing. How am I supposed to know that my baby is alive and well in there if I can't feel it? I understand why tom and katie cruise bought their own ultrasound machine. oh to be rich and neurotic!

2008-08-25T09:05:00.002-04:00

One strange thing about pregnancy is that I love potatoes all of a sudden. I never disliked them, but I found them boring and pointless. And now, I dream of potatoes. Plain, boring, boiled or baked potatoes, with nothing on them but salt. I also really like peas. I've been making such an effort to eat two vegetables a day. Do potatoes count? I was never clear on that.

Good news: I had a driving lesson and my driving instructor said I was a good driver and another lesson would be a waste of time and money. So now I just need to wait until the test which will be in about a month. I begged him to make sure it wasn't early in the morning, because of the sun and because of my laziness, I mean Pregnancy Exhaustion.

I don't have so much other pregnancy news because, well, not much has happened. I feel like I'm at a bit of a stand still. I don't think my stomach has grown at all in the last few weeks. I still haven't felt the baby move, which is frustrating. I mean, the book says that for a first baby, it's possible at this time to feel "flutters that may feel like gas", but if they feel like gas, then how am I supposed to distinguish between baby flutters and gas flutters? I had a dream that I felt a good kick, but in the dream it was clear that it came from a fully developed baby sized leg, and my baby is still the size of a hamburger, so I'm not expecting to feel that (while I'm awake) for quite some time.

Menachem is afraid that if I don't feel the baby soon, then it may induce anxiety and so I should be careful not to obsess about this and just let things happen when they happen. I have no idea what he's talking about...

I want to go on vacation. I want to go to Italy for two weeks. And I want to go to a spa for at least two days. Somebody please knock some sense into me.

Week 16.5 News

2008-08-17T10:44:00.003-04:00

The thing about now, is that how I look and how I feel completely depend on what I wear. Like if I wear a shirt with an empire waist and, even better, with a tie that accentuates that between the bust and stomach line, then I feel pregnant and good. But if I wear any other sort of shirt, I just feel fat.

Also my headaches have mostly subsided. I significantly cut back the amount of dairy I was consuming, so it's possible that that's related.

In other news, I finally went to work today. We had a very important "how to lock the doors" orientation that even people who work from home 99% of the time had to attend. Had lunch with Ben and sat next to Netanyahu and his posse, which I don't really care so much about but maybe you do.

Meanwhile, when given the choice today if I am more excited to have our baby or for the weather to get cooler, I opted for choice B. Obviously having a baby is the most exciting thing in the world, but for now, it's a bit abstract, as opposed to a change in weather which is something I'm quite familiar with.

Menachem pointed out that today is the first day that we've both been at work at the same time. That is because a) I rarely go to work, and b) because he used to work American hours, while I worked mostly during the day. But now -- Halleluyah! -- he got a normal job like a normal person and we will get some normal sleep! (If you need a real estate agent, let us know.)

Other things I'm looking forward to: My mother-in-laws arrival, and with her: Peanut Butter South Beach Bars (I like PB again), tennis rackets, and MATERNITY CLOTHES!

A Crazy Thing Happened on the Way to Bed the other Night...

2008-08-11T07:13:00.002-04:00

I was getting into pajamas on Friday night. Off came my shirt, first, and I was left in a very tight, stretchy tank top. I glanced at myself in the mirror, and then-- stared. You will simply not believe what went through my head at that moment. It was: "Wow. I love my body." Now, if you know me at all, you know that those words have never crossed my mind, and as you can imagine, they came, therefore, as quite a shock. Menachem walked into the room to find me standing in front of the mirror. I felt slightly guilty, or rather, I felt like I LOOKED slightly guilty and felt the need to say something. So I blurted out, "I was just admiring myself in the mirror." I started crying. It was a very emotional moment, to share with someone this deepest, strangest realization. Off came the rest of my clothes, and I just stood there, shocked. I used to associate "body" with "thighs" because that's all I saw when I looked down at my body. But now, I actually SEE my body. And Menachem, perfect as he is says, "I'm just so happy that you finally see yourself the way I always have." God, I love him.

So am I ALWAYS going to have to be pregnant in order to feel this way about my body? Or will this boost of self-esteem somehow stick, even after the swell of the upper body deflates?

Happy week 15!

2008-08-06T12:17:00.003-04:00

The topic of this week is: Headaches. Remember that image of the telephone pole banging against my stomach while I'm up against a brick wall? Well, this is like that, but at my head and not as bad. But still, in the last few days I've had a headache everyday and nothing works except for an ice pack and an Excedrin Migraine which I really shouldn't be taking, even though the doctor said I could. This is the same doctor who prescribed me muscle relaxants for a backache, who, on the phone, never asks what trimester I'm in or if I tried regular tylenol yet or really anything else. (I'm looking for a new doctor if you know of any maccabi doctors in Jerusalem.)

Ok, we're going to the mall and then to play tennis -- one of the last vestiges of my normal semi-active life.

I'M the irresponsible one?

2008-07-27T12:12:00.000-04:00

I lost the piece of paper with my next appointment on it and now, THREE weeks in advance I call the doctor's office to find out when my appointment is so I can put it on my calendar. And she's like, "If you don't know when you're appointment is then I can't tell you.": HUH? I'm calling because I don't know when my appointment is...so how can I tell you when my appointment is and then if I did, what exactly would be the point of my question? So I give her my name, but that doesn't help. So she's like, "It's your responsibility to remember when you're appointment is." Okay...so what am I supposed to do? You can make a new appointment? Well, what about my old appointment?

So I made a new appointment, which is just dumb because now I'm going to MISS another one of my appointments sometime around then and the doctor is going to give me attitude. And this was all in broken Hebrew and it was frustrating and now I'm not so in love with Israel right now.

Some body changes

2008-07-22T12:11:00.000-04:00

Here's something--my stomach is starting to feel solid! If you've ever touched a pregnant belly, you know what I mean. I doesn't feel like soft, flabby fat, it feels kinda hard, solid, and like there's something in it other than digested food.

Another exciting body change: I'm starting to notice that the bigger my belly gets, the smaller my theighs and butt look--it's an all illusion, of course, but still.

Also, my head is growing. Someone has suggested that maybe my hair is getting thicker (which certainly would be a nice perk), but I'm pretty sure it's my actual skull expanding. I can't tell by looking in the mirror, but scarves and bandanas are starting to give me headaches.

And there you have it--body changes of week 13.

Growing out of my clothes already??

2008-07-21T12:10:00.000-04:00

Although I've already seen our baby a number of times on the ultrasound screen while the technician holds the wand up to my uterus, I'm still somewhat convinced that I'm growing our baby in my butt. I always feared this...

I always knew I wasn't going to have one of those gorgeous pregnant bodies where from the back you can't even tell the person is pregnant and from the front, the only thing is this perfectly round belly, but meanwhile arms, legs, and face are virtually unchanged. I always knew that wouldn't be me. I knew that as my belly expanded (and it is, thank god at least for that!) so would the rest of my body. My butt and theighs are enlarging, as well is pretty much every other body part associated with me (except of course, my breasts, are still rather small). Well, it's still early yet.

Happy 12 weeks and 6 days!

Pickles

2008-07-03T12:09:00.000-04:00

Scratch everything I said about cravings not really existing. I'm eating pickes out of the can. I feel like such a cliche. But I really wanted pickles. and only pickles. But eating the pickles is kinda making me want hot dogs, which is strange because I've had no meat or chicken for the past month. Yum. Hot dogs and pickles. Maybe also because on the news they were talking about the July 4th eating competition on Coney Island. The winner ate 66 hot dogs in 15 minutes. And strangely, that doesn't repulse me, but rather intrigues me. I could probably eat 66 hot dogs in a day.

Indigestion

2008-07-01T12:08:00.000-04:00

I finally understand what indigestion is. I never really experienced before and now I've got it down to a science.

There are 4 different types of burps:

1. Feels good, tastes good -- like after chocolate milk or soda.

2. Feels good, tastes bad -- maybe this category doesn't exist...can't think of an example.

3. Feels bad, tastes good -- like after apples.

4. Feels bad, tastes bad -- like after cheerios, tuna, peanut butter, and pesto.

Which brings me to another interesting pregnancy observation/experience. I despise peanut butter and pesto! Perhaps it is because I know that it provides the nasty aftereffect of burp #4, but also, the smells are simply repulsive and the tastes...well, i'm not going near enough to try them.

And here's the thing about cravings: Everybody has cravings, pregnant or not pregnant, and it's not even that when you're pregnant the cravings are stronger; but rather, it's that the aversions make you unable to eat anything OTHER THAN exactly what you're craving. For example, cheetohs. I love cheetohs and often crave them, but because i'm not repulsed by all other food in the world, I am able to settle on a healthier, also tasty option. Whereas when you are pregnant, when you want the cheetohs and someone (someone else or your very own conscience) says, well, how about some cottage cheese or an apple instead?, the answer is, "absolutely not. I need the cheetohs." And again, it's not because the craving is stronger, but it's because the craving is working together with the aversions which veto all other options. So in essence, the craving IS stronger, but only because strong aversions have kicked in.

That's my theory anyways.

Tomorrow I will be 10 weeks, which is exciting. We've decided to start telling people after my doctor's appointment which takes place on 11 weeks. But maybe we should also wait for those genetic tests to come back. Those freak me out and I try not to think about them....

I should really be working...

Breasts

2008-06-24T12:07:00.000-04:00

I think my breasts are growing. It's hard to tell. They're still small. I don't know what I was expecting. It seems unlikely that one would go from a barely-A cup to a C, yet that's what I've been dreaming for....well, it's still early on. 9 weeks, tomorrow.

Can't kick this cold...

2008-06-03T12:02:00.001-04:00

...and the problem with that is that I can't tell what's a pregnancy symptom and what's just plain old sick behavior. Let me start by saying that I am not a klutz. I always say that I remind myself of Bridget Jones (or the other way around?) except for the klutziness. I don't generally trip on my own feet, drop things, or forget things (not too often at least). And yet...And yet...in the last week since I started my 6th week of pregnancy AND since I got this nasty cold, I have done all those things multiple times.

For example, I went to take an egg out of the fridge and simply dropped it on the ground. I may have even forgotten that I was holding it. That's how smoothly it dropped from my hand. And then I made a banana bread, and forgot to put bananas in. Though I did go a little crazy with it and add everything else in the pantry -- craisins, flaxseeds, musueli...and I don't even remember what else. And then last night was the clincher: I was getting my pre bed snack (lately I've been too hungry to fall asleep) and I was about to get into bed with my cup of instant grits and my knee landed on my phone which tipped my whole balance and the cup went FLYING, spattering grits all over the sheets, my pillow, the wall, and my nighttable. I burst into a hysterical laughing/crying fit while Menachem patiently changed the sheets. I lose my appetite; I gain it back ten-fold. I eat too much; I get nauseous. I love food; I hate food. I've been queasy.

So, what I want to know is: Is my sudden klutziness and queasiness a symptom of pregnancy? Or is my cold making me lightheaded and unbalanced? I guess the answer is that it's probably both.

COLD, please go away. PLEASE? Please let me enjoy my pregnancy symptoms untainted by silly cold side effects!

Happy Anniversary!

2006-10-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

Today Israel and I reach the big 3-0! We have hit our one month together mark and we are truly happy.

Maybe I'll stay...

2006-04-06T16:15:00.000-04:00

(only kidding, employers and mom and dad)

Shalom! How are the bones? (That's a common greeting here.) My bones, and the rest of me, our good, actually. (Bli ayin hara poo poo poo.)

Did I ever tell you about the time that Molly and I were stuffed into an overcrowded matatu filled with people and bananas and it was time for our stop and the only way out was through the back window? And that I'm not as bendy as the Africans and so it took a whole crowd of passersby to pull me out from the other side? Good times.

Did I ever tell you about the time that my father got knocked to the ground by a motorcycle? That he was crossing the street and looked both ways, but in the American order? That was funny. (Right, daddy? Even you laughed.)

Did I tell you about the time that a group of men offered to buy me for the price of the cow? But that happens all the time.

But those are all things of the past (except for the offering of the cow-dowry).

This time around, I am a visitor. Not a tourist, mind you--I ride the bodaboda bicycles even like an African woman now, side saddle and all. I even eat the skin of the mango that the kids throw down from the trees. And I'm not even buying souvenirs this time.

I have spent my last week and a half visiting friends all over the region. Since many of you know the people here, I'm going to do a bit of name-dropping, so skip this if they are just names to you:

I have spent about 1/2 my time at Hadassah with my children and a little bit of time on top of the hill reviewing the Passover Hagadah with the older youth. On my way down the hill, I have visited M'zee (old man) Nehemiah, who has a vanilla and coffee plantation (though I'll bet the Ugandans have never though to make a french vanilla cappachino). Further down the hill is Majuma who insisted I come in for tea and boiled eggs. I spent a night in Nasenyi visiting Jacobo and Norah and saw the team of oxen, Mike and Rene, hard at work. I also visited Israel Kilya's family in Nasenyi, but he was in Kampala. I've spent a few nights at the Putti yishuv where I intend on returning for shabbat. I went to Samson's and Dinah's house near town for a quick coke and saw their new baby. I've also visited Naume's new shop a few times. Oh, and of course dinner at Yael's, but unfortunately Yael had to be in town at the hospital with Sarah (not me), so it was cassava with Susan and the other kids. I've been to Namatala twice to visit Buete and Leah, and also Rachel Modundo, Nathan, and Maxwell. And last night Rachel M. and I journeyed to a small village ("This is REALLY a village," says Rachel.) near Namutumba where Mama, Papa, Grandma, and Grandpa Abraham live. I had never met them before and both parties were excited to meet the other--it was a big Abraham-fest (kinda like the Faust-a-thon, but not).

No one understands that I like my tea without sugar. And when I tell them that I like my tea like I like my men--big, black, and strong--they don't get that either. Hmm.

Last shabbat was spent praying and playing. This shabbat will be the same, but I have lots of studying and teaching planned also.

Some high school kids decided they wanted to go to Namutumba to help Pesach clean, so the 2 Israeli volunteers from the top of the hill and I are hiring Samson and his new van to take them there.

From there I will go to Kampala and then Entebbe and Monday morning I depart.

Yesterday evening I prayed in a grove of banana trees, their big leaves shielding me from the drizzling rain. Today I walked across a marshy rice paddy and through fields of millet and sorgum. I ate fresh roasted peanuts and drank tea while my hosts and I discussed the magic of airplanes and tractors. Those things ARE magic, I told them, but so are these things here in Africa--their own means of survival are slim but they are happy. And they have never heard of homelessness. Everyone has a roof and everyone has a family.

And during this visit here, all have made it clear that I am family too. Awww.

Wow. I'm truly in love.

Chag Kasher V'Sameach! Next year in Jerusalem!

Sarah

P.S. To continue reading about my journeys, check out http://sarinthecity.blogspot.com

-----

Back in Africa!

2006-03-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

Oh, Uganda!

I took a cab (8 hour bank search instead of just the 4 hour ride--uch.) and as we drove into the African sunrise, I smiled and laughed. The rainy season has just begun and the land was brimming with extraordinary greenness and rich browns. The large maribu storks peered down on me from the tops of the trees; they are magnificently ugly. The women wear their finest clothing as they walk down the dirt road with bundles carried on their heads. The sides of the road were filled with miles and miles of sugar cane, casava, coffee, and corn (c,c,c,c). The windows were down and I became immediately coated with African dust. I was dirty and I was happy.

Time ticked away slowly, as it naturally does here in Africa, as I awaited my cliff. We approached Mbale and: Wanali. Majestic and awesome. She stood in silence, the drop from her peak as straight as the line in my back. The clouds above her, her crown.

By the time I took my second trip back to Mbale (another 4 hours, but this time in a crowded matatu, taxi-van meant for 14, but stuffed with 20), sunrise turned to sunset and then quickly into dark. When there is no moon and no electricity, it becomes obvious that the stars, in all their beauty and utility (light) were created for us. The wide, open sky does not make me feel small, like it used to, but makes me feel great.

I got back to Hadassah School and it was late, but the children were waiting up for me. I got off my boda-boda (motorcycle) and they came rushing towards me. We had tea and shared a cake that I brought from home. We said Shma, sang Hamalach Hagoel (which I taught them, which they still say every night), sang the Mosquito song (pronounced mo-skwee-to--but then again, shouldn't it be that way since there's a Q?). Since Purim just passed, they kept getting Mosquito mixed up with Haman (same tune, so cute). And then, as though not a day had passed, when we were done singing, they all yelled out, "Kiss! Kiss!" (the boys and girls separately), and I went around and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, or leg, or arm, or whatever I could reach before they pretended to be squeamish and shy away.

And today Abraham and I began rekindling our friendship (I slipped him a lollipop). His older sister, Esther, says that he talks about me often.

So, what am I doing here, you ask? Well, I decided last Thursday that I really just wanted to see all my friends in Uganda and realign myself back with the basics. To do a bit of good (I brought matza) and to get a bit of perspective. So I'm hanging out here on the equator, right in the middle of this crazy world, in this very beautiful place, for 2 weeks of vacation.

Mommy made me get a mobile (m,m,m,m) and here's my number: 011-256-78-222-3172. It spells nothing. I'm 7 or 8 hours ahead. I won't be angry if you wake me up. (On the contrary.)

Off to the market I go to buy vegetables for dinner at Yael's.

Love, Sarah

P.S. If you'd like to donate to the Send Sarah to Africa and Still Enable Her to Eat and Pay Rent When She Gets Back Fund (the SSTAASEHTEAPRWSGBF), please send your check or cash to: Sarah Gold 6400 Patterson Ave. Richmond, VA 23226. I am officially about to run out of money.

ooooooh M'zungu?.....it's shopping time!

2006-01-07T22:53:00.000-05:00

I keep dreaming of Africa.

I was sitting with a group of friends and little Abraham was sitting on my lap. Mid-conversation, he tugged at my sleeve to get my attention. I leaned down and he whispered in my ear,
"Saalah (rolled "r"s sound like "l"s), where are your wings?"
"My wings?"
"Do you have invisible wings? Aren't you an angel?"

It's funny -- they always thought WE were the angels.

Meanwhile, I requested an order of 50 hand-woven kippot and have just received a sizeable package from the Ugandan Putti community. They are $12 each and come in all colors and sizes. $10 each if you buy 6 or more. For a little sales inspiration, see my entry "M'zungu give me my 500 shillings!" You'll see just how far your $12 can go. What was it -- like 200 avocados per kippa? Something like that.

E-mail me your orders at sarahgold81@yahoo.com, please. Thanks!

Death be not Proud

2006-01-05T09:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we just need to pull the plug --

I spent yesterday mourning the death of my faithful computer, Daisy. We had spent 4 long years together and I knew her death was coming near. And at 8:33 a.m. yesterday, when I found my ipod uncharged and my computer screen blank, I accepted that the time had finally come. I pushed the power button a few times, just to be sure, but to no avail.

A full day I spent not checking my email! (That sounds jumbled but somehow, I like the ring of it.) I went outside having no idea how hot or cold I would be! (I was cold.) A day of phone calls to spread the word about the deceased and to discuss the prospects of Replacement (GASP! So soon?!).

At about 10:36 p.m. I decided to wrap her up and lay her to rest in a more comfortable spot than the dining room table (dining corner, not really a "room" in the traditional sense of the word). I went to unplug her when -- LO AND BEHOLD! -- she was not even plugged in!

Repeating the words, "I am such an idiot. I am such an idiot.", over and over again, I plugged that life giving cord back into the wall and... WALAH! She came back from the dead! I type on her now. We are closer than ever.

There is a moral to this tale (besides the obvious one of Sarah is dumb). Sometimes in life, we may feel like pulling the plug on something--a task, a friendship, whatever. But usually, the better option is to examine the plug. Maybe instead of pulling the plug, we should try pay more attention to it and just give it a gentle shove back into its warm home in the wall.

Happy New Year!
Love, Sarah

P.S. My cranberry walnut bread ended up hardening into a dense brick. It all ended up in the garbage. Well, I'll bet I can......whistle and snap better than you can! So there! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. (I don't mean to be so didactic...maybe after a brush with death, that's just what happens....)

Sarah can't bake.

2005-12-21T17:18:00.000-05:00

I must have been absent that day of Kindergarten math class when they taught us how to measure.

I was just in the kitchen, in the bubble of solo baking, unaware of the fact that time was passing outside of my little 3 X 6 cubicle. (It just took me over an hour to get that cake in the oven.) I was covered with flour and batter, standing over bowls and measuring cups and spoons, laughing and laughing and laughing about how much time I was wasting on this cake which, when the buzzer dings (right, like I use a buzzer), will be gross cake.

Literally. Back in my Cambridge days, Dee (one of my roommates at the time and also one of my very best friends) and I used to make dinner together. We’d pull out our secret weapon, cake mix, and the accessories, egg whites, applesauce, and Splenda (wait, had Splenda been discovered yet?). We’d mix our cake (or cookies) with one goal in mind: fat free. It would be chewy, too sweet, and kinda gross; it would be dinner. We called it Gross Cake/Cookies. “What do you want for dinner tonight? Gross Cookies?” “Sure!”

FAT FREE FAT FREE FAT FREE, the words would haunt me, back in my obsessed with fat free food days (pre low carb revolution—so we must’ve used real sugar rather than Splenda).

So…back to the kitchen. I started out deciding that I would be extra careful with my measuring for this cake. But I just couldn’t give up my substitutions. So I substituted Splenda for sugar (but I measured!), some whole wheat flour for regular (measured!), 1.5 jumbo eggs for 2 large (leaving out part of the second yolk), and, of course, apple sauce for oil. (Those who know anything about dieting will know that I’m mixing diets and mixing diets means canceling out the benefits of both. Y’see, applesauce has the sugar of the sugar I omitted—so I’m mixing low carb (i.e. Splenda) with low fat (i.e. applesauce), and, quite frankly, that’s dumb. And the whole wheat flour in a cake—yuck.)

So I’m following the recipe just as it’s written. (Well, not mixing the dry and wet ingredients separately doesn’t count because we all know that’s just a hoax.) (Oh, cranberries are really hard to chop, so I put them in whole.)

But then it says to pour the batter into tins. Batter (b'lilah raka)? I’ve got thick, thick dough (b'lila avah); it’s practically bread (it's got an entirely different halachic status--I'm taking a whole class on the laws of bread). So I took out some and made scones. And then I added water to the rest to make it into batter. And I added a drop more applesauce. I would’ve added more orange juice, but I had drunk it already. But then this new batter tasted kind of bland, so I added more Splenda (unmeasured).

And now…the cakes! (drumroll please)

The scones are….quite good!

The cake is…well, YOU probably wouldn’t eat it. But as one of the co-founders of Gross Cake, I’m looking forward to my low fat low car treat!

Strawberry Fields Forever

2005-12-21T14:56:00.000-05:00

I have the day off because of the transit strike, so after a leisurely morning of Barnes & Noble and Cosi, I decided to do some baking. I stopped at my local grocery store to get ingredients, came home, put on my cooking clothes, and got to work. Not five minutes after changing, I realized that I was missing key ingredient #1: flour. I went back and forth for a while as to whether my cake might be good enough with whole wheat flour before grudgingly changing back into my grocery shopping outfit and braving the cold.

I went outside and scrunched up my nose—yuck, burning rubber. A wave of panic: did I leave my oven or stove on?—no, I haven’t cooked in days. Is there a blanket near the heater in my room?—no, heat hasn’t worked in days. Okay, I thought, I’m safe.

And I was, and I am. But unfortunately, down the street, fire engines were screaming (and still are, as I write this) toward the scene of a smoking building. I saw no flames, yet the sight was still shocking and horribly upsetting. I still do not know how bad the fire was (is still?) or what, if any, the casualties are, but the air around me was filled with smoke. It was very scary.

Refusing to walk closer and gape with the prurient spectators, I continues walking hurriedly back to the supermarket. (I am not so much self-righteous as I am fond of the word “prurient”.) I passed the entrance to the market four times, engrossed in my anxiety as the smoke rose around me. (Flour is on sale for $.99!)

I just turned the news on, but the only reports are on the transit strike—“the illegal, selfish strike of 2005”, as described by Mayor Bloomberg, who must now walk over the Brooklyn Bridge in order to get to work every morning (well, he doesn’t actually have to, but he is anyways, with throngs of people around him, for that New York solidarity that I have now witnessed and love). I know it sucks for New York and for New Yorkers with jobs, families, and busy lives, but it’s given me a jump start on my winter vacation, and I’m a walker anyways.

Amidst all the commotion I am consciously being a (sometimes) disciplined active person. (In other words, for a person who prefers videos, popcorn, and pajamas to getting out and going out, it is taking astute attention and motivation to experience the pretty cool life that New York has to offer.) The opera (Carmen, box seats and dressed to impress)! The museums! The Christmas windows (tomorrow night’s plan)! The bars! I’ve been doing it all! I even got free tickets and went to the season’s finale of The Apprentice (live)! And I went to Strawberry Fields for John Lennon’s memorial! And I joined a Scrabble group!

And I walk about 3 miles a day.

And now I’m going to go bake a cake, either in muffin or bundt form. Cranberry nut, yum yum yum. Wanna come over? I also have hot chocolate…

...but the journey has just begun!

2005-11-14T18:19:00.001-05:00

Last night I dreamt I was in Africa. It was the third time this week.

I arrive at the Hadassah School nervous--would they remember me? Or, more specifically, would they remember how much in love we had been with each other?--and the kids emerge from their classrooms and come charging at me with hugs. Let the dancing began! How different this second visit was from the first when their entrance into the dirt courtyard had been so shy and hesitant!

I saw Abraham standing by the doorway (haha, like in this week's parsha!) of the nursery room (oh). He was avoiding my stare; I could tell he was as nervous as I was. I made my way through the crowd, knowing that I would have to make the first move. When I approached him, I picked him up, squeezed him, and twirled him around. He finally looked me in the eye, we paused for a moment, and then we both began to laugh. We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed till tears were running down all our cheeks and we had to sit down.

Did I ever tell you about Abraham?

Throughout Africa, I tried to include stories of Abraham in my emails. I tried to explain how he had touched my life. But in the end, all the words were deleted. Not only could I not explain this angel of a little boy, but I could not even explain how I could not even explain.

Uch--what has come over me?! I have lost my flair! I've melted into a puddle of moldy sap, getting warm and sticky on my expensive finished, hard-wood floors.

NEW YORK! NEW YORK!
In a land flowing with caffeine, vitamin water, and money, I sit in my $2850/month apartment (not including utilities and cable) and complain about my looks. My black leather boots are too high, the sole on my red suede boots is a bit low. My skirts are too loose and my pants are too tight. My hips are too big, my breasts too small, my eyes are too wide, and my hair too tall. And I'm getting a cold. And I'm getting old. And don't even let me get started about boys...

Well I certainly just killed the mood. I'll write more later.

2005-09-05T13:56:00.000-04:00

Ah! To be young again...

The Last Word

2005-06-18T01:28:00.000-04:00

Hello again!

Jew in Putti once wrote, "Like any other Jew, I
should not lose hope [to return to Israel] though life
is difficult. This means that one day my mouth will
be full of laughter, my tongue with joyful songs and
there I will say among other things that 'The Lord has
done great things in my life.' At this moment,
though, I will be like those who sow in tears and thus
reap in joy."

I am so lucky. I am so lucky, I told myself, over and
over again as I flew over the desert from one paradise
to another. I have gone from the pearl of Africa,
where chickens cross the dirt roads more than human
beings do (I've asked myself 'why' on countless
occasions), to the land flowing with milk and honey,
where beauty is trumped only by holiness. I have
cried painful tears over my departure and an equal
number were shed upon arrival in the developed, holy,
land of Israel (especially when I saw--in no
particular order--the washer and dryer, Eden, and the
kitchen).

My last few weeks in Uganda were bittersweet, to say
the least.

A vacation to the relaxing Ssese Islands. There I
went from sleeping on the beach to sleeping in the
grass to sleeping in the hammock to sleeping in the
tent. I read hundreds of pages of book and wrote
pages and pages of journal. There were parrots in the
trees and bilharzia in the lake-one of the many exotic
diseases that were tested during my 3 day hospital
visit upon arrival in Israel (another long, boring
malaria story that I will spare you from).

And then back to the village for the wind down. Did
some work, had some goodbye parties (one in Putti, one
in headquarters), recorded my debut album-Molly and
Sarah's Most Excellent Prayer Adventure-packed my
bags, cried my eyes out, and left.

I have no more exciting stories to tell though my life
has been far from unexciting. I long ago lost my
flare (or interest?) for explaining the funny details
of travel--perhaps they became commonplace. And even
after all this time, I still cannot explain that which
I could never explain. I will never be able to
explain what living in Uganda was actually like for
me. I will not be able to put the stars into words or
let you hear the bleating cries of the goats. You
cannot feel the sun burning my skin through my
clothing and you cannot see the sun's rays as they
inexplicably tear the clouds apart. Hardest of all, I
will never be able to explain the children.

I have now been in Israel for two weeks where I am
experiencing reverse culture shock. Physically, it is
very easy to get used to the fully developed
world--twenty three and a half years of life have been
in this comfortable setting of showers and
televisions. Emotionally and philosophically,
however, the first world is much more complex than the
developing third. Living in Uganda brought me "back
to basics", to the simple, to the clear and obvious,
to the understandable. It is the developed world that
is complex and impossible to understand-easy to
explain, but impossible to understand.

Also, it is strange to be around so many white people.

As far as I am concerned, I am home and my trip is
over. I am back with family, back with friends, and
back to my real life. Before I end, I just want to
thank all of you, dear readers, for your time,
attention, responses, packages, phone calls, and love.

You've been a wonderful audience.

Yours, etc.

P.S. For photos, check out this site periodically:
http://www.snapfish.com/share/p=511101118417718852/l=50454481/otsc=SYE/ot